The Sketch: An illuminating debate on transport will be along soon. Right after Godot

For sheer broad, vaudeville entertainment you'd be better off watching Andrew Smith talking about first-phase roll-out of work-focused interviews for disabled annuity-holders.

The Transport ministers are a double act of such nullity that they make Waiting for Godot look crudely plot-driven. You say to your colleague: "Let's go." "Ah," but he says, "You can't." "Why not?" "You're waiting. What for?" You're waiting for Alistair Darling or John Spellar to say something. "They have voices like the dead. Like leaves. Like the dead. Like dead leaves." "Can't we go?" "No." "Why not?" "We're passing the time." "But it would have passed anyway." "Stay where you are." "Why?"

"We will have proposals before us, and we will look at them before publishing a White Paper in the autumn." "No, really. Let's go." "We can't." "Why not?" "No decisions have been made." "Let's go. Seriously. Let's seriously go."

"If the honourable member wants to make representations, clearly he is in a position to do so. I have made clear that I am willing to consider any reasonable representation." "Let's go." "We can't." "Why not?" "There is no reason why honourable members shouldn't make representations as it is important we make better use of representative facilities and processes in a sense of joined-up co-operation."

"Why can't we go?" Because "we are evaluating views as soon as possible to come to a conclusion sooner rather than put off a decision for what may be many months".

"Please let's go." "But don't you want to hear how we've been regularly working with local authorities?"

They break you in the end. You sit there numb, more or less lifeless. You pray for toothache, just to remind yourself you exist.

These ministers are well known in the Palace of Westminster, on the floor of the House and in select committee for doing everything they can to avoid answering questions, and their preferred method is by boring their listeners into submission.

And yet the transport system is in continuous decline; train delays are worse than ever, rail projects large and small are being cancelled, 68 safety recommendations still haven't been implemented. The minister has said there's no point in trying to improve the rail service so he's going to try to get buses doing better.

Thameslink 2000 is turning into Thameslink 3000 and the more we listen the less we understand, the harder it is to concentrate, the more we want to think about something else, and – oh!

Of course! Some twerp minister was asked a question by Richard Ottaway.

Would he accept that congestion-charging was a regressive tax that hit the lowest paid hardest? The minister rose to say: "No." And then sat down again. He should resign. The Speaker's drive to improve standards in the House is going rather well.

Hats off for Mr Speaker! He saw some fellow reading his question out.

Reading! Sit down! Then he stopped Judy Mallaber in mid-flow and she had to sit down before she got to the patsy part of her question.

John Spellar answered the question she'd been prevented from asking. The exchange had been rehearsed. Rehearsed! Of course! You can't be that bad by accident.

simoncarr75@hotmail.com