The Sketch: A frolic in fudge, obfuscation and quietly cancelled targets

Readers of this paper yesterday will have seen perhaps the single most important article ever written about this Government. It was a round-up of targets set over the last five years and a quick snap of how we (or they) were getting along. It was an investigation of the Tory claim that 40 per cent of the Government's 1998 targets were missed and that despite the fudge, obfuscation and quietly cancelled targets, 75 per cent of the ones set in 2000 are being or will be missed.

The analysis was profoundly subversive of our belief in government action and put us into the ideal frame of mind to attend Trade and Industry questions.

What support is Patricia Hewitt providing the manufacturing sector? How does Patricia Hewitt intend to promote the draft regional planning guidance's twin track strategy? Will Patricia Hewitt actually look at the effect of her department's taxes and regulations on an industry by industry basis and see what a pig's ear she is making of it?

Ms Hewitt has a limited number of answers to these questions; all involve restating the question in the soothing, smoothing, schmoozing voice she uses to calm people down, causing a riot of irritation in the process. The fact is, it's a ministerial sump, down here, and it's a shame to see the Tories' Tim Yeo reduced to it. He clearly deserves better.

Labour's Harold Best takes a backbench award in the Holding the Executive to Account section. On being told that there were no plans to abolish the sale of fireworks he stood up and asked his lethal supplementary question: "Could my honourable friend explain a little further why?" And then he sat down.

John Battle's ferocious question on the same subject mentioned that fireworks were on sale that were capable of blowing up phone boxes. He wanted the full apparatus of the state to be brought to bear on retailers, wholesalers and manufacturers and other filthy, profit-driven enemies of the state. The minister based her reply on "the need to promote quiet communities". Thank God, frankly, governments are so incapable of doing anything. Sending whatsername round the country "promoting quieter communities" simply doesn't bear thinking about.

Someone called Sue Doughty is the Liberal Democrat spokesperson for Women.

She must be new to this. Ms Doughty gawkily welcomed the government initiatives to get women into public bodies. But there had been an increase only of 2.7 per cent since Labour had come to power. "When you compare this with other countries such as," she cast about a bit here before settling on ... Iraq. Apparently this country has surpassed New Labour targets for women on public bodies as long ago as 1990. Ms Hewitt felt it was an error, to compare New Labour's regime with one that employs professional rapists to prosecute state policy towards women. Even though Ms Hewitt was saying it, I felt it had to be true.

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