Gloom Aid: Something to cheer you up on the 'most depressing day of the year'

The event planned for London’s 100 Club on 18 January aims to raise cash for mental-health charities (and some cheer)

The so-called "Blue Monday" is statistically the most depressing day of the year, and in 2016 will fall on the 18th January (Getty)

With last month the “dullest” since records began, and the respite offered by the festive season all too brief, you might need something to cheer you up before Blue Monday, the “most depressing day of the year”, which falls on 18 January 2016.

Might I draw your attention, then, to an event planned for London’s 100 Club on that day called Gloom Aid, which aims to raise cash for mental-health charities (and some cheer). The brainchild of Carl Hill, Gloom Aid is a celebration of the underlying sadness that runs through all of Hill’s undertakings. “Everyone is melancholic to a degree,” he says. “The idea for Feeling Gloomy [Hill’s club night that only plays sad songs] came about 10 years ago when I’d lost my job, had no house or girlfriend and was lying on my bed listening to the Smiths.”

So, what can we expect at Gloom Aid? “Well, I’ve lined up Robert Newman and Edinburgh Comedy Award winner Adam Riches and there will be plenty of surprises added between now and then.” Appropriately, the night will also include rare live performances by the Iain Duncan Smiths, who re-imagine the songs of Hill’s favourite band as sung by the Secretary of State for Work and Pensions – titles include “Heaven Knows You’re Miserable Now” and “Girlfriend in a Coma (She’s Fit For Work)”.

But what will Jonny Abrams, the man behind the act, do should IDS eventually return to the backbenches? “Simple,” he says, “it will be time to go solo as Borrissey.”

Crunch match

“It should,” according to the blurb, “have a place on every true football fan’s bookshelf.” It is Bendelow & Kidd’s Dictionary of Football, published just in time for the gift-buying season, which “offers more than 1,800 definitions of the unique language of the game from trigger-happy chairmen to want-away strikers”.

But should that special football fan in your life experience a sense of déjà vu, that might be because they already own a copy of David Woodhouse and John Leigh’s seminal 2004 work Football Lexicon and the excellent 2014 book Football Clichés (“a forensic examination of football’s language” based on the hugely popular Twitter feed of the same name).

So, have the authors of this new work given it “110 per cent” or is their book likely to “go missing on a cold wet Wednesday night in Stoke”? Over to Adam Hurrey, the man behind Football Clichés. “Given the worryingly similar format,” he says, “it’s directly up against the masterful Football Lexicon. To their credit, though, they’ve made an attempt at etymology, but otherwise I don’t think it nails the definitions as perfectly as the original.”

So, should you make space for it? Well, at the end of the day it’s a funny old game and the form book goes out the window in the run-up to Christmas.

Better latte than never

According to research by the Union Hand-Roasted Coffee company, “the craft coffee revolution gripping the nation has given rise to a new wave of ruthless connoisseurs, prepared to risk relationships in search of the perfect cup”. In fact, “research reveals that one in five Brits admits to judging someone by the quality of the coffee they serve and 22 per cent have even changed their opinion of the person serving it”.

But are these “ruthless connoisseurs” just a bunch of has-beans? Because over in America – the spiritual home of that “craft coffee revolution” – the backlash against a damn fine cup of coffee is in full flow sparked by a post on the Serious Eats website called “The Case for Bad Coffee”.

In the piece, Keith Pandolfi admits that he used to, “spend silly amounts” of money on “whole-bean, single origin, locally roasted coffee”, but now buys Maxwell House. “Cheap coffee,” he writes, “is one of America’s most unsung comfort foods – as warming and familiar as a homemade lasagne. It tastes of midnight diners and Tom Waits songs while high-end coffee is something to be fussed over and praised.”

Don’t judge me, but I’ll drink to that.

Lease and goodwill to all

If you want something different this Christmas, it might be worth looking into renting a property from holidaycottages.co.uk. You see, the company has just appointed one staff member, Hayley Kitto, to be its Head of Christmas Wishes.

“I’ve had a few strange requests so far,” she says. “Fake snow in the living-room, a real-life outdoor nativity scene and an ice-rink in the garden.” Is this the strangest job you’ve ever had? “It is,” she admits cheerfully, “but I truly love Christmas so I’m not complaining.”

No rhyme or reason

Another in a regular series of limericks based on recent events:

The technicians have had to admit,

For purpose it’s no longer fit,

So if you’re up in the north,

Steer clear of the Forth,

Cos you can’t cross that bridge when you come to it.

Twitter: @simmyrichman