Rage, rage against the doyen of the right

'What would you call the impulse to mispronounce foreign names, apart from Mark Lawson's syndrome?'

I am glad to welcome back the doyen of English language studies, Dr Wordsmith, who has taken a brief break from his research into speech patterns in the pubs of Britain to answer your queries about the way we speak. All yours, doc!

I am glad to welcome back the doyen of English language studies, Dr Wordsmith, who has taken a brief break from his research into speech patterns in the pubs of Britain to answer your queries about the way we speak. All yours, doc!

Dear Dr Wordsmith: I noticed just now you were introduced as "the doyen of English language studies". What exactly is a "doyen"?

Dr Wordsmith writes: It is the French word for "dean".

Dear Dr Wordsmith: Fair enough. What is a "dean"?

Dr Wordsmith writes: A dean is the man who runs a department or faculty.

Dear Dr Wordsmith: Fair enough. What department or faculty did Dean Swift run?

Dr Wordsmith writes: He ran the faculty of satire and ridicule at the University of Dublin in the 18th century.

Dear Dr Wordsmith: Did he really?

Dr Wordsmith writes: Of course not, you dunderhead. I was merely answering a fatuous question with a fatuous answer.

Dear Dr Wordsmith: So what is a "doyen", then?

Dr Wordsmith writes: Well, if you really want to know, it comes from the Latin word decanus, meaning the leader of a group of 10 people.

Dear Dr Wordsmith: No, I want to know what it means.

Dr Wordsmith writes: It means the most senior surviving member of a group.

Dear Dr Wordsmith: Was Dean Swift the oldest survivor of some group?

Dr Wordsmith writes: No. He was called Dean Swift because writers in those days were often called by their titles instead of their name. Dr Johnson is but one of many other examples.

Dear Dr Wordsmith: What other examples? Dean Swift and Dr Johnson are the only two that you can think of, aren't they?

Dr Wordsmith writes: Of course. When we say "but one of many examples" or "other examples are too numerous to mention", it means we cannot think of any others, just as "one example taken at random" means that we have spent hours looking for the right example.

Dear Dr Wordsmith: How do you pronounce "doyen"?

Dr Wordsmith writes: There are three ways of pronouncing any foreign word such as "doyen". One is the English way, one is the correct, or French, way and one is what the English think is the correct French way.

Dear Dr Wordsmith: What about Mark Lawson's way?

Dr Wordsmith writes: I'm not with you.

Dear Dr Wordsmith: Mark Lawson is a broadcaster on Radio 4's "Front Row" who, despite his obvious erudition, refuses to pronounce foreign names properly. In recent weeks I have heard him persistently pronounce Bach as "Bark". And recently he talked a lot about a French novelist called "Balls Ack". I think he meant the French novelist Balzac. What would you call the impulse to pronounce foreign names wrongly, apart from Mark Lawson's syndrome?

Dr Wordsmith writes: I would call it "machismo syndrome". I never cease to be amazed by how many intelligent people assume the word "machismo" must be pronounced "mackismo". It is, in fact, pronounced as written.

Dear Dr Wordsmith: When you say "I never cease to be amazed", is that one of those phrases, like "one example taken at random", that mean the opposite of what they seem to say and that you have long since ceased to be amazed by people saying "mackismo"?

Dr Wordsmith writes: Yes. But language is most illogical. It often means the opposite of what it seems to say. Take, for instance, the expression "miserable as sin". The whole point about sin is that whatever else it is, it is meant to be fun; otherwise, people wouldn't do it. So why do we say "miserable as sin"? Why do we say something was a "picnic", implying that it was very easy? Organising a picnic is one of the hardest things a man can do, and even women don't find it much easier. Why do we talk about "rats leaving a sinking ship" as if it were a cowardly thing to do, whereas it is completely sensible and honourable?

Dear Dr Wordsmith: I don't know.

Dr Wordsmith writes: Nor do I. Let's go down the pub and see if a beer will make things clear.

Dr Wordsmith will be back soon. Keep those queries rolling in!