Miles Kington: So, does anyone play acoustic air guitar?

'Go naked to bed, and your clothed partner will have to deal with the burglars - time for another helping of Albanian proverbs, I think.'

If you haven't encountered these rare things before, they are very different from ours.

Our proverbs tend to be very practical and rather useless. Take "Too many cooks spoil the broth", for instance. We all know what it is supposed to mean, and we nod in agreement. However, when we hear the proverb "Many hands make light work", we all nod in agreement all over again, even though it means exactly the opposite.

Albanian proverbs benefit from not providing much practical advice (although today's second offering seems to be rather a good idea) and from managing to sound good without meaning too much.

They remain in your brain for a long time afterwards without really improving it. Just as you can keep a piece of spinach in your teeth for a long time, but it won't keep you fed. Which is, as it happens, an Albanian proverb.

See what you think, anyway.

If God had wanted us to believe in him, he would have left clearer instructions.

Go naked to bed, and your clothed partner will have to deal with the burglars.

Alfa Romeo is better than no Romeo

A shoelace has a hundred uses, but a shoe has only one.

All the best saints were unmarried. It was inevitable. Who would want to live with a saint?

If you are careful to look after your eyes as you go through life, then your eyes will look after a whole lot of things that don't concern them.

Show me a millionaire and I'll show you someone who can't spend money.

An immaculate lawn may look like an immaculate lawn to a gardener, but to a farmer it is a failed hay meadow.

What on earth can have possessed the Savoy Hotel to name it self after a cabbage?

Many men claim to be good lovers. I have yet to hear one boasting of being a good father.

When did you ever see anyone playing acoustic air guitar?

Some excellent advice for a starving man: if you say that you have decided to fast to death for a cause, then the world will flock to your doorstep to save you.

No brain surgeon ever takes up amateur boxing.

A one-legged man can walk, but a one-winged bird cannot fly.

A man who wears grey flannel trousers/ Is normally as safe as houses

And if he he wears a grey silk tie/ Then you can trust him till you die

But if he wears grey flannel socks/ Then bolt your doors and check your locks.

And if his hair is grey in hue/ There's little else that you can do.

Someone in the world has to make lollipop sticks, but nobody wants to go home to their family and tell them: "What I do in life is make lollipop sticks."

There are three things in life to avoid: a woman seeking to improve the man she loves, a man seeking to complete his collection of beer mats, and a leaky fridge.

If a railway company really put the safety of its passengers first, it would run no trains.

Washing-up water is a byword for dirtiness, but there is nothing in washing-up water that wasn't on the dining table in the first place, and which you weren't then prepared to eat.