Miles Kington: Chestnuts and other things Rome did for us

'Hadrian's Wall was a gardener's dream - over 60 miles of south-facing garden wall'

Come along, children ! It's time to get on those walking shoes and go for another nature ramble ! Yes, we're off with Uncle Geoffrey and his niece and nephew, Susan and Robert, on one of their fact-finding missions in the English countryside. . .

"You know, the horse chestnut is a magnificent tree," said Uncle Geoffrey, as the three of them strolled across the fields. "There is hardly a season when it is not looking handsome. The spiky green fruitcases in autumn, the fine sticky buds in winter and as for the great white candles now - they are truly breathtaking!"

He looked up at the specimen ahead of them, standing alone in the middle of the field, its fine branches spreading unhampered by nearby growth.

"I am surprised it is still there," said Robert. "You would think by now that the farmer would have seen it was a farming hazard and chopped it down."

"Perhaps we should ring the emergency services and get them to come round and deal with it," said Susan.

"If we were in some foreign country," said Uncle Geoffrey, ignoring them with practised ease, "we would gasp with admiration at the horse chestnut and greet it as an exotic bloom. 'Look at those magnificent flowers!' we would say, rather as we do with the jacaranda or flame tree. But as it is British, we take it for granted. How typical of us."

"Ah, but it is also typical of the British to think of anything familiar as native," said Robert. "I think I am right in saying that the horse chestnut is not native at all, and was introduced into this country three hundred years ago from the Balkans."

"I think you are right in saying that," said Susan.

"I also think I am right in saying," said Robert, "that the sweet chestnut was likewise introduced into this country by the Romans, because they liked eating the delicious nuts. It is in fact almost impossible to get a warm enough year in this country to grow sweet chestnuts, so the Romans must have regretted their decision to introduce the tree. No wonder they went home after a few hundred years."

"Disillusioned with the persistent failure of the British sweet chestnut crop?" said Susan.

"Totally. Yet factors like that are scarcely ever mentioned by the historians."

"Nor do they ever mention, for instance," said Susan, "that on the sunny side of Hadrian's Wall the Romans grew many a fruit tree, espaliered on the warm expanse of stone walling. Peaches, pears, apricots, and so on. Hadrian's Wall was a gardener's dream - over 60 miles of south-facing garden wall."

"Whereas on the sunless north-facing side of the Wall," said Robert, "it was quite a different story."

"So what did they put there ?" said Uncle Geoffrey, who despite himself was intrigued.

"Graffiti," said Robert. "Fierce graffiti. The Picts and the Scots would creep up in the night and scrawl great threatening messages, telling the Romans to gan hame."

"You'd think they'd have taken the chance, while they were at it, to pop over the wall and nick some of that fine fruit growing on the south side," said Susan. "They could have been the first scrumpers in history."

"But the Scots were never famous for their healthy diet," said Robert. "Any country where haggis is the national dish has got to have dietary problems. What do you think, Uncle Geoffrey?"

What Uncle Geoffrey was thinking was that much more of this and he would willingly strangle both of them. There seemed little point in telling them so, however, so he pointed out a kestrel instead.