Cooper Brown: Workmen
Your support helps us to tell the story
From reproductive rights to climate change to Big Tech, The Independent is on the ground when the story is developing. Whether it's investigating the financials of Elon Musk's pro-Trump PAC or producing our latest documentary, 'The A Word', which shines a light on the American women fighting for reproductive rights, we know how important it is to parse out the facts from the messaging.
At such a critical moment in US history, we need reporters on the ground. Your donation allows us to keep sending journalists to speak to both sides of the story.
The Independent is trusted by Americans across the entire political spectrum. And unlike many other quality news outlets, we choose not to lock Americans out of our reporting and analysis with paywalls. We believe quality journalism should be available to everyone, paid for by those who can afford it.
Your support makes all the difference.I’ve spent all day waiting in the Cooperdome for the great British workman. This is a man who sits at home watching Jeremy Kyle waiting for somebody to be in trouble.
In my case, it was a washing machine that decided to dump its load all over the floor. It wouldn’t stop leaking. This is something of an urgent situation, requiring some speed you might think? I ring the Jeremy Kyle watcher who is a plumber in his spare time.
He sounds very annoyed to have been disturbed. We eventually agree he might visit me some time that day but I will have to pay an “emergency call-out fee” of £300 for him to even consider this. I hand over my credit card details, fully aware this will probably be used to finance his online porn addiction but I have no choice – the Cooperdome is fast becoming an indoor pool. I am at least guaranteed a rapid response.
After all, I have paid an “emergency” call-out fee. Three hours later and the water is up to my knees and I’m swimming around trying to find the phone. I ring the plumber – he is still at home but assures me he is on his way very soon. I start to fantasise about how I’m going to kill him when he arrives. I decide that I’m going to drown him, in stages, after he has fixed the problem. Five hours after my call he turns up. He wanders about the flat aimlessly trying to find something to do. I stand behind him seriously considering hitting him hard with a chair. I am a total prisoner. So far the bill is £700 and, like the water, still rising.
Cooper Out. Twitter- @icooperbrown
Join our commenting forum
Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies
Comments