Menopause is the last ‘taboo’ in the Church of England – and it has to change

While the rest of the world has become much more comfortable with discussing this momentous change in a woman’s life, our religious institutions are still stuck in the past, writes Anglican deacon Jayne Manfredi

If every Christian woman downed tools tomorrow, our churches would have to close their doors. Women make up the majority of churchgoers – not just in the Church of England but across all denominations.

We’re in the pews, in the pulpit, greeting people at the door, leading Bible studies, caring for toddlers, teaching children and teenagers, making the tea and coffee, cleaning the floors, arranging the flowers, chairing meetings, sitting on church councils, and presiding at the altar. Most of us are over 40 and are either currently going through menopause or have already experienced it and are out the other side.

Not that you’d ever know it. Despite an explosion of conversation in wider culture, this life-changing transition remains a taboo topic within the confines of the church – and that’s something I’m hoping to help change. I want to start an open conversation about these experiences; to help create a church where midlife women can bring their whole selves, including their menopausal bodies.

Women are not a monolith, of course. Not everyone will want or need a space in which to be open about menopause. The variety of experiences during midlife and beyond span a wide range – from women whose periods just quietly cease, to those who endure years of uncomfortable and disruptive symptoms. My own research has told me that plenty of women feel strongly enough about what’s happening to them to create a need for the church to be a place for women to come and be deeply known, fully seen and, if necessary, truly heard.

Divesting the church of body-related hang-ups which promote shame is one of the prophetic chores of my work. I feel encouraged that other women in the church are also working towards this goal; feminist theologians, scholars and liturgists who are writing powerfully and persuasively about the issues which affect women’s lives. Over time, this will be reflected more openly in the hymns we sing, the worship we’re part of, the prayers we say, and the sermons we hear. God’s spirit is stirring and women of the church are moving too.

Clearly, for lots of women, what happens to us privately impacts on our public selves. That most ubiquitous and shame-inducing of menopause symptoms – the hot flush – which arrives with frequent regularity and always at the most embarrassing moment, while preaching in front of a packed church, for example, or in the middle of leading the prayers.

The irregular and heavy bleeding which arrives unexpectedly and stains white robes and other clothing. The brain fog which makes chairing a meeting a challenge, as elusive thoughts dance just out of reach. Remembering what you were supposed to be saying feels like dredging up a bucket from a muddy well.

It’s reaching an age where our male counterparts are told they are silver foxes at the top of their game, while we are bombarded with a million messages about how to stem the relentless march of time, which – to quote Dolly Parton – is marching across our faces.

The reality for midlife women is discovering we now occupy a space where we’ve lost the social currency we had as younger women, as we’re rendered ever more invisible in public, while still being vital to our families; the children we might still be raising and the elderly parents whom we’re now caring for too. Wider culture may well regard midlife women as disposable and past our usefulness but for women of Christian faith, the church is a place where we are indispensable. This truth needs to be celebrated and shouted out loud.

World Menopause Day is a good time for women of faith to stand up and say that our embodied experiences are worth the telling. We’re not traversing this passage silently any more. Midlife women are waking up and saying that what happens to us matters deeply to God, and that it’s high time the church – and the world – woke up to that fact.

Jayne Manfredi is an Anglican deacon, writer, teacher and regular contributor to BBC Radio Four. Her first book, ‘Waking the Women: Faith, Menopause, and the Meaning of Midlife’ (Canterbury Press, £12.99) is available from all good bookstores