Social media can consume us – but long-lasting confidence isn’t dependent on online 'likes'

We must celebrate all the glorious things our body does and not rely on false social media expectations

Ask yourself when it is that you feel your happiest, most confident self (iStock/Getty Images)

As a presenter and body confidence advocate, I am known for my honest and open attitude to life and my realistic, unedited, body confidence images, and posts. However, confidence is not as easily achieved as you might think.

Body confidence is an issue that affects millions of people across the globe and false social media expectations just make this worse – the result digital abuse can have on people who lack confidence is severely damaging and needs to stop.

The nation’s screen time increased during lockdown, and as we all ease ourselves into seeing friends and family again we are reminded just how precious face to face contact is. Confidence is a daily thing, you can train your brain to speak kindly to you, to celebrate all the glorious things your body does for you daily. After all, you spend the most time with yourself.

However, my own road to confidence hasn’t been easy. As a teenager, I realised I was taller and bigger than all my friends and was very aware of how I looked. My mum told me to embrace it, but at 16 I just wanted to fit in. It was a few years later that I looked into modelling, hoping to make the most of my height, but I was told to lose weight by an agency and this sparked an unhealthy period where I just didn’t eat enough. It was during this time that I realised something had to change.

It has been a gradual process. It started out by just being kind to myself, eating properly, and posting fitness videos on Instagram. I’d pose perfectly to flatter my figure. Then I realised I was creating social anxiety, I worried that if I bumped into a follower they might think I didn’t look as good in real life as I do in the pictures I put online. I started posting the best images of me – ones that would make the cut for Instagram – and with them, I also posted ones that didn’t “make the cut” alongside. I couldn’t believe how many girls said I was “brave” for doing it.

Now I realise, that by just being honest and posting unedited images I was actually helping people feel better about themselves. The overwhelmingly positive reaction I got from my followers was the reality check I needed to realise there needed to be a wider discussion on body-confidence on social media.

And it’s still so true during lockdown. I absolutely adore my partner, my family and my friends, but I know I can’t rely on them to be confident or happy. I have to be my own cheerleader, my own best friend. Strengthen your relationship with yourself every day, give yourself the time and love you so freely give to others. Yes, there will be days where you don’t feel like you can solider through, but recognise it, have a little pep talk with yourself and understand that it’s temporary.

We’ve all found our own little escapisms over the last few months, being at home more has forced us to experiment. For me it’s been painting, plants and movement – they are my tools for calm confidence, and I know I can access them when I need to. Ask yourself when it is that you feel your happiest, most confident self. If you don’t know then explore your feelings in different scenarios, when you are with certain people or on your own. When you find that happy moment, recreate it whenever your inner cheerleader has gone quiet – and be confident that you can always come back to that place.

Recently, I was involved in a new British Army podcast named The Locker, is a very special series exploring confidence and our many struggles to not just achieve it, but to maintain it. A recent Army Research poll found that while 89 per cent of Gen Zers believe self-confidence is important to achieving success in life, but 80 per cent say it’s hard to find in today’s society. It also states that 72 per cent of Gen Z check their social media more than ten times a day, and a third see “likes: as short-term confidence hits. The podcast aims to encourage and empower listeners to build a deeper sense of confidence through the lessons shared by guests like me.

The Locker podcast was a great opportunity to share my story (the highs and the lows) and also my tips for achieving confidence that lasts. So that anyone struggling with issues around body image, eating, exercise or low self-esteem knows one simple thing – you are not alone.

In my episode, we delve into the different ways social media can consume us and how we can all take back control of our newsfeeds to become more confident overall. I hope those suffering from body confidence issues will get the extra dose of self-belief and invaluable insight into our own personal stories. We all need to realise that long-lasting confidence isn’t dependent on likes and online validation.

Chessie King is an Instagrammer, author, presenter and a guest on the new British Army podcast The Locker.