Captain Moonlight: Valentine's Day

NOW THEN, you didn't really think the Captain would leave Valentine's Day alone, did you? I have a survey. It is from Mills & Boon, the romantic publisher. M&B, I should tell you, is undergoing a serious change of image. Two Canadians from Harlequin, the parent company, have just arrived as managing and editorial directors. The sigh and the swoon, apparently, are no longer enough. More raunch is required. Perhaps the Canadians are right. M&B has conducted research into the most successful 'chat-up lines' now being employed in Britain. Crikey. It's a steaming jungle out there. How about 'You'd look great in my pyjamas]' or 'That's a nice dress - it would look good on my bedroom floor.' Very smooth. Or, 'My name's Michael - remember it because you'll be screaming it later.' Can such things be? And these are the ones women liked. And things seem even more serious than we thought at M&B. I asked if the Canadians, Tony Flynn and Karen Stoecker, could provide their idea of the perfect Valentine's Day. They refused. 'Too busy,' they said. Romance must be dead.