Boris Johnson is punching himself repeatedly in the mouth over Partygate

Some 20 fines have been handed out, more are coming, and still Johnson – via his official spokesperson – goes on denying that the law was ever broken

It was funny for a while, then it was tragic, now it’s downright sadomasochistic (EPA)

There’s never a good time for a prime minister to apparently tell blatant lies both to the House of Commons and to his own people, in the desperate hope that they’ll be stupid enough to believe them, but now is a particularly bad one.

At the moment, Boris Johnson and the rest of the world are busy trying to tell the people of Russia that they are being systematically lied to. That, for example, the Jewish president of Ukraine isn’t actually a Nazi. That kind of thing.

It shouldn’t be hard. It isn’t hard. But it isn’t as easy as it should be when you’ve got to do all that, and then, in your very next breath, go on claiming that you don’t accept the law has been broken in your office, even after 20 people have been fined – for breaking it.

Calling out other people’s lies while simultaneously appearing to lie yourself isn’t quite like trying to pat your head and rub your tummy at the same time. It’s more like trying to talk while punching yourself in the mouth. For those of us watching, it was funny for a while, then it was tragic, now it’s downright sadomasochistic and someone definitely needs to put a stop to it.

The first “wave” of Partygate fines that the Metropolitan Police have now issued might have been an opportune time for a moment of contrition from the prime minister, but that boat’s sailed now. Some 20 fines have been handed out, more are coming, and still Johnson – via his official spokesperson – goes on denying that the law was ever broken.

It is now four months since rumours of a Christmas “cheese and wine party” in Downing Street emerged. It is slightly less than that since footage of Allegra Stratton laughing about it appeared on ITV News (not laughing *at it* exactly, but laughing at her own ridiculous attempts to defend it, knowing that it was entirely indefensible).

At the despatch box of the house of commons, Johnson first claimed this party never actually happened, then that he hadn’t been told about it. Then we had the email to the “bring your own booze” garden party, which wasn’t a party, or if it was a party then Boris Johnson wasn’t at it, except that he was at it, but he didn’t know it was a party.

Then there was the suitcase of wine, the broken swing, the investigation that was meant to be carried out by the head of the civil service, Simon Case – who then had to recuse himself because it turned out that one of the parties he was meant to investigate happened in his own office. Now, 20 people have been fined. One of them may well be Simon Case, the most senior civil servant in the country, in charge of all of the others, but it has been deemed that we, the people, aren’t entitled to know.

Throughout all this, the police refused to investigate any of it. When Cressida Dick announced that there would actually be a police investigation, she explained that she had little choice as the evidence that had been gathered by Sue Gray (the civil servant who had to replace Simon Case, just after he found out about the illegal party in his own office) was so overwhelming.

She explained the rare circumstances under which retrospective Covid fines were issued. They were, she said, only handed out when proof of a breach of the law was incontrovertible.

And, so far, 20 people in Downing Street have found themselves the wrong side of this “incontrovertible” line, yet Johnson continues to refuse to accept the police’s findings.

Once upon a time, “one rule for us another one for them” was a sort of cliched criticism. Now, Johnson is actively establishing it as a government convention. His defence, so to speak, we already know, is going to be centred on the curious status of No 10 as both his home and workplace. The law will be carefully bent to fit around him and him alone.

Johnson, for now, has not been fined himself. We don’t know if he will, and nor do we know if he resign himself, even if he is found to have broken the law.

That 20 of his staff have been, would – for most, if not all previous holders of his office – be enough. It hardly needs stating that if you lack the basic moral courage to run your own office in such a way as the laws you made are not being routinely broken within it, you might not be the best choice around to run the country.

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He seems to be hoping that the war in Ukraine has come along at just the right time to overshadow all this, but the reality is that it throws it all into even sharper focus. Rees-Mogg thinks that the war in Ukraine renders the Downing Street parties into “fluff”. It does not seem to me to be glib to ask what it is that people in Ukraine are fighting for exactly.

Yes, it is the right for their country to carry on existing, for their families not to be blown up in their beds. But not too far beneath that comes the right to lead a happy, mundane life. The right, maybe, to such trivialities as a birthday cake in the office with your colleagues, or some end of week drinks on a Friday evening.

These things are indeed trivial. But making them illegal, because you believe it to be a matter of life and death, is about as serious as it gets. Its triviality is precisely the measure on which you gauge the seriousness of it being taken away. And by turn, breaking the laws you made, and then to go on denying it all and seeming to lie about it all – even after the police have stepped in with great reluctance and brought you to book?

We should be grateful that this is about as bleak as our comparable mundane politics tends to get. But it still requires trust and basic decency to function, and that can only be restored by Johnson’s going.