What Boris Johnson said in his Downing Street news conference – and what he really meant

Our chief political commentator tries to imagine what was going through the prime minister’s mind in today’s briefing

What Boris Johnson said: Today, the national vaccination programme continues to power past the target we set six weeks ago with more than 15 million people vaccinated across the UK.

What he really meant: After the year I’ve had, I think I’m entitled to crow a little. But like our footballers, my celebrations are supposed to be restrained.

What he said: This is an unprecedented national achievement but it’s no moment to relax and in fact it’s the moment to accelerate because the threat from this virus remains very real.

What he meant: Of course I know that I mustn’t overdo it. I’ve been stung so many times by being too optimistic. So this one is for you, Mark Harper and Steve Baker: keep a lid on it.

What he said: And although the vaccination programme is going well, we still don’t have enough data about the exact effectiveness of the vaccines in reducing the spread of infection.

What he meant: We’re nearly in the clear, but Chris Whitty won’t let me say so yet.

What he said: We have some interesting straws in the wind. We have grounds for confidence.

What he meant: I’ve tried to get the scientists to sound the all-clear klaxon, but they have this hang-up about “evidence” and “facts” and long words.

What he said: So we have to keep our foot to the floor.

What he meant: Organising a mass vaccination programme is just like driving a car. I know absolutely what I am doing here.

What he said: So this moment is a huge step forward but it’s only a first step. And while it shows what the country can do, we must be both optimistic but also patient.

What he meant: I am facing both ways at once.

What he said: And next week I will be setting out a roadmap saying as much as we possibly can about the route to normality even though some things are very uncertain.

What he meant: I have my foot right down on the accelerator and am balancing a roadmap on my knee. What do you mean, the outcome is uncertain?

What he said: We want progress to be cautious but also irreversible.

What he meant: That’s the phrase. It doesn’t mean anything and it’s roughly what I said before Christmas, but if it does all go wrong again, everyone will have forgotten I said it.

What he said: Let’s go to Alex Forsyth of the BBC.

What he meant: Right, journalists, let’s whisk through these questions. I’ve got another five Zoom meetings to get through.

What he said: I don’t want people to think I’m not optimistic. There’s been a big change. Science is now in the ascendant over the disease.

What he meant: Pessimism is really bad for politicians. That Starmer fellow always looks a bit down in the dumps. I don’t want people to think I’m like him. What people want is a bit of meaningless uplift and that’s what I am here for.

What he said: If a vaccine is 80 per cent effective, clearly there will be some people who will not benefit from it as much as others.

What he meant: People will still die.

What he said: These decisions that we will take in the course of this week are not yet taken.

What he meant: Don’t believe everything you read in the newspapers: Dominic Cummings doesn’t work for me any more and I’m trying to hose down endless speculation about what I’m going to do next when I don’t even know myself.

What he said: We know it’s going to work; it’s the speed at which it’s going to work that we’re waiting to see.

What he meant: Another platitude and I’ve got through another of these news conferences more or less unscathed.