Having someone as boring as Joe Biden in the White House? Strangely arousing

For a political geek like me, to see Biden win the votes of 81 million people was incredible – first things first, though, let’s get the Oval Office deep cleaned

In January, Joe Biden will be sworn in as the 46th President of the United States (Getty Images)

It’s not the size that matters; it’s what you do with it. Truer words have never been spoken, and at this time they matter more than ever before. I’m talking of course about the size of a presidential inauguration. We will have one in January, when Joseph R Biden Jr is sworn in as the 46th President of the United States.  

When Donald Trump became president four years ago, we all knew he would be different, we all knew he would challenge the norms of the office he held. Some did vote for him reluctantly, assuming that once he assumed that office, and feeling the weight of responsibility, he would temper his worst instincts. All of those illusions were smashed in the first moments after his swearing in, with his declaration of “American carnage”. His first battle with reality as president was focused on the size of the inauguration crowd. Things have pretty much been carnage ever since.  

Loads of people thought that Trump was a gift to comics because he’s such a clown. Unfortunately, he was like a Bozo Pennywise. You’ll laugh – but it will kill you, your friends and your family.  

With Covid-19 still surging in the US and Donald Trump busy pardoning anyone he bumps into around the Oval Office, we will see the change in Washington from the first moments of a new presidency. Biden is planning a smaller inauguration and he will embrace its reduced size as a demonstration of responsibility and an acceptance of reality. Acceptance of Reality. That’s a nice change. AoR would be a good replacement for MAGA.  

Biden will be entering the White House, but only after it has literally been through a deep clean. What better analogy for the Trump legacy could there be? He was so bad at managing the office he held, in protecting the country, that his own home became a superspreader hotspot. The cleaning will start with the White House, but Biden’s task will be to keep scrubbing for the foreseeable future.  

His first priority will be getting a handle on the Covid situation, but he will also be cleaning up Trump’s messes overseas. Biden will be bringing the US back into line with its traditional allies. Trump has spent the last four years hanging out with the dictator kids, trying hard to be “cool” without having the courage or the ruthlessness to pull off being a real tyrant. It would have been laughable, if it wasn’t so terrifying.  

The new president is seasoned in foreign affairs, and will quickly reestablish links with Europe and Western, democratic countries – gee, what a novel idea! While much has been made about Biden clinging to his Irish roots, people in the UK need to remember that pretty much everyone in America claims to be Irish. When it’s helpful. Mostly around 17 March. Biden’s ancestors left Ireland about 170 years ago, so it’s not like he’s fresh off the boat. What it will mean is that he’s unlikely to go along with ignoring the damage Brexit will cause to peace in Ireland – it would be nice if the government of the United Kingdom would pay some attention to that once in a while.  

Biden will have a chance to be a transformational president – transforming the shitshow of the last four years into a bare semblance of normality. For a political geek like me, having someone as boring as Biden win the votes of 81 million people was incredible. To see people embrace a return to good governance, responsible leadership and a strong moral foundation is strangely arousing.

There is a long list of other things that Biden will be tackling as well, letting those kids out of the cages, allowing scientists to do science, accepting climate change. Of course, he will also be trying to keep people on the left of the party like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez on board. If he brings them too close, he will push moderates away, but if he ignores them, he risks the start of a liberal Tea Party. A liberal Tea Party, featuring organic, green tea, made with nut milk.  

None of this will be easy, and things won’t calm down anytime soon. After the closely contested 2000 election, President Clinton’s outgoing staff removed the “W” from keypads and (back then) typewriters as a small way to protest the election of George W Bush. Trump, his allies, and his children are not just going away with a few letters from the keypad. They will spend every remaining day installing allies in key positions, pardoning people who stood with the president and trying to undermine people’s faith in the actual election results. They will probably lick every door knob, too.

Biden won’t be perfect. He will make mistakes. And anyone who wants to attempt to lead America must be deluded and even self-serving at times. But I truly believe that Biden will be a president interested in building a better America for his legacy. That is much, much better than one trying to improve his brand.  

Erich McElroy is a stand-up comedian and host of the podcast American Exchange, where he has interviewed Anthony Scaramucci, Mary Trump and others. He’s also the co-host of the satirical show Comics Solving Problems