I couldn’t afford to live, so I asked doctors to help me die – and they said yes

I knew I wouldn’t be able to survive being homeless for very long, so I turned to what I felt was the only viable option left to me

My name is Amir. I am 55 years old and live in Canada. I suffer from a number of physical and emotional ailments.

I have 24/7 pain due to severe spinal stenosis, degenerative disc disease, osteoarthritis, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), panic anxiety disorder, depression, pretty severe asthma (I need three different inhalers to breathe) and early stages of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD).

I can’t work due to disability, and for the last decade or so, I have been relying on the Ontario Disability Support Program (or ODSP) as my primary source of income.

This past July, I was informed by my landlord that the rooming house in which I live was being put up for sale, and that I would need to find other housing. After a month of looking, it became very apparent that ODSP – which has remained stagnant at C$1,169 (£721) per month for over five years – was no longer sufficient.

Even mould-infested rooms in dank basements had gone up in price to over C$800 per month. Another month of looking only reinforced the fact that there were simply no places left that I could afford to live in.

I knew that in my current physical and mental condition, I would not be able to survive my impending homelessness for very long. So I turned to what I felt was the only viable option left to me, which was trying to access MAID (Medical Assistance in Dying).

I made a formal, written request to my doctor, who, after failing to talk me out of it, eventually (and reluctantly) signed off on it. As someone who is considered “tier 2” (someone whose death is not imminent or reasonably foreseeable), I needed to wait for a mandatory 90 days before getting the required second sign-off before being able to access MAID, so I was basically marking time, and preparing myself for dying.

But a funny thing happened on the way to dying. The media became aware of my story, and did an interview with me as part of a story they were doing on MAID in Canada. My story apparently resonated with many people, and one such person started a fundraising page for me.

Incredibly, that fundraising page ended up raising over C$60,000 in a matter of 4-5 days, allowing me to pay off debts, have enough to move and to supplement my income to a level on which it was actually possible to live (I am using C$800 a month to bring my total monthly income to C$2,000).

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While that makes for a nice “feel good” story, I’d like to point out that while I essentially ended up winning a lottery that will allow me to continue living with a roof over my head and food security, there are over a million people in Canada who are now, at least financially, where I was a few months ago. And they won’t win that lottery.

Unfortunately, instead of focusing the debate on how people in that position need help surviving, it seems my story has been hijacked by people trying to deflect from the real debate, by creating a needless one about the merits of MAiD – and its accessibility (and coming expansion) to people who are not in the terminal stages of a disease.

I hope people don’t get distracted by this pointless, disingenuous debate. The real issue isn’t whether or not someone like me should be able to access MAID. It’s whether or not we, as a society, wish to continue making people’s lives miserable and hopeless enough that suicide – assisted or otherwise – becomes a viable option. Or whether we are willing to choose to take steps that would make these people’s lives bearable enough that they won’t need to.

If you are experiencing feelings of distress, or are struggling to cope, you can speak to the Samaritans, in confidence, on 116 123 (UK and ROI), email jo@samaritans.org, or visit the Samaritans website to find details of your nearest branch. If you are based in the USA, and you or someone you know needs mental health assistance right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Helpline on 1-800-273-TALK (8255). This is a free, confidential crisis hotline that is available to everyone 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

If you are in another country, you can go to www.befrienders.org to find a helpline near you.