Americans - especially Macklemore - take note: real Irish people aren't impressed by your St Patrick's Day craic

Sadly, sometimes the most offensive concept of what Irishness is comes from a plastic paddy; they believe it is a mixture of militant nationalism, a hatred of partition, an idealisation of the IRA and an obsession with alcohol

Revellers celebrate St Patrick's Day in London (Getty Images)

17th March. The United States erupts in a fit of colourful Irish adoration: it’s a green-tainted, glass-clinking, craic-having and slurredly-singing day all across the country. One of the world's largest St. Patrick's Day parades snakes through New York City. In a city which Irish people have been contributing to for hundreds of years, a major celebration of Irish identity couldn't be more appropriate.

Then my eye drops to the only banner I seem to see throughout the whole parade, seemingly the only one allowed: 'Get England Out of Ireland'.

The only banner for as far as the eye can see. No joy; no love; no poetry; no celebration; no craic; just an outdated battle cry which sounds entirely foreign to the vast majority of those who live anywhere on the island of Ireland.

And so I pause.

I take off my Guinness hat, huge novelty shamrock glasses and my green feather boa and look around me, at ginger American faces, singing about the freedom fighters and their noble fight.

I stare down at what I'm wearing: a Northern Ireland football top, in glorious green. The proud stamp of the Earl of Tyrone adorns it.

What England remains in Ireland? Do they mean me? My roots run further and deeper in Ulster than those surrounding me and yet, in one fell swoop, they've decreed what Irish nationality is. They've constructed it upon the narrowest of bases.

And they, as Americans, are excluding me from it.

My roots are most likely Ulster-Scots, going back to the plantation in the 1600s, but how does that not make me Irish? Of all nations, you'd expect America to understand that being the decedents of those who arrived and took land from the indigenous inhabitants doesn't bar you from nationhood forever.

Sadly, sometimes the most offensive concept of what Irishness is comes from a plastic paddy; they believe it is a mixture of militant nationalism, a hatred of partition, an idealisation of the IRA and an obsession with alcohol.

Someone needs to make clear to these people that Irishness is far more than slurring 'Tiocfaidh ár lá' to the bottom of a Guinness pint.

Let's take Macklemore and his song 'Irish Celebration', which is a fantastic summation not of Irishness but of the bizarre caricature that some Americans consider Irishness to be.

According to Macklemore, we have "whiskey in our veins". He fantasises about when "the English came the coloniser came / They filled up bottles of gasoline, turned 'em into balls of flame / And hurled 'em to protect what's ours / Don't touch these lucky charms".

How romantic a vision that is – petrol bombs, eh? Nothing like ‘em!

Now, I know it sounds like he's written a pro-IRA song on the basis of a history lesson from his father that mainly involved telling him to not drink Old English beer, but Guinness instead (actually a whole verse in the song). But it's fine! He said "preaching non-violence", so it's grand.

Arthur Guinness was in fact a unionist Protestant who opposed Irish nationalism in his lifetime and the company he left would continue in this vein, firing workers if they were involved in the Easter Rising, but sure, why let facts get in the way of a good myth?

And yes Macklemore, the 'Irish resistance' was definitely only ever aimed at the 'London Guard' (which from what I can understand is entirely an invention of our favourite Grammy-stealing, Seattle-based hip hop artist).

Certainly, Michael Collins, one of the greatest Irish nationalists, wasn't killed by the IRA. Or he was. Either way, who cares, I saw a bar stool and lost my train of thought ("Challenge us in football, yeah we might lose/ But don't put us next to a bar stool").

Macklemore aside, Irishness is a broad church. No one viewpoint has a monopoly over what Irish nationality is. It's complex and it's multi-layered, and with the greatest respect, the least appropriate people to determine what that is, is a Boston inhabitant who has been living in America his whole life.

I love Boston, and I love the adoration which it has for Ireland. But for God’s sake, before you to preach to me about what that is, learn what being Irish can mean.

I went to primary school in a loyalist area of Northern Ireland, which funnily enough is right beside Slemish Mountain - the legendary first known Irish home of Saint Patrick. There, one of our teachers said, "Each one of you are incredibly lucky. You get to be lots of things at once. You're Northern Irish, you're Irish, you're British and you're European. And each is something to be proud of."

I agree wholeheartedly. Maybe some of the carriers of those 'Get England Out of Ireland' would benefit from some local primary school education.

But either way, happy Saint Patrick's Day.

We love and benefit hugely from the American-Irish connection. It is something we cherish and it is a source of great pride that across such a huge country people celebrate our wee place here.

All we ask is that when you contemplate Irishness, you respect the views of the people who actually live here - because, we kind of know what we're talking about.

Slainte.