Al Pacino isn’t too old to be a dad – and age gap relationships can work. Trust me

My partner is 33 years older than me – older parents have something younger ones don’t, writes Emma Flint

It’s none of our business about whether he chooses to have children now he’s 83 (Getty Images for Tribeca Festiva)

It would seem that the phrase “you’re never too old to ...” comes with an expiration date. Al Pacino is said to be expecting his fourth child with girlfriend Noor Alfallah – he is 83, to her 29. The shockwaves in reaction to the news are palpable: and mostly centre around the couple’s age gap relationship.

We also had the recent news that Robert De Niro has become a father for the seventh time, at the age of 79. Both men are famous, both actors, both presumably well-off – but criticism of their life choices makes me uncomfortable.

Why? Because I am in an “age gap relationship” of my own. My partner is 33 years older than I am: he’s 65, to my 32. And I really couldn’t be happier.

Much of the commentary around Pacino and De Niro lies in how “self-indulgent” and inappropriate later-life parenthood is, and perhaps that’s understandable. People who have lost parents at an early age often talk of how hard it was not to get to see out a “full life” with them. They feel it’s “selfish” to have a child, when you know you might not see that child grow up. I get it.

But while I understand these concerns, I can’t help thinking we are still sticking our noses in other people’s business. And it’s not fair. Isn’t it about time that we gave our censoriousness a rest?

The age gap in my own relationship is often a source of confusion – sometimes distress – for strangers we’ve never even met. They pass us in the street, their eyes judgemental, making assumptions. Although I’m no psychic, I suspect 90 per cent of those assumptions don’t involve love.

If we were to add children into that picture, I know those concerns would be amplified the moment they learnt my partner was the father and not the grandfather.

Why? Yes, death is statistically closer to my partner than it is to me, which means if we did have a child they might spend more of their life without a father than with one. But is that really reason enough to brand older parents’ decisions to have children as wrong? Isn’t life really about quality, not quantity?

He may be 65, but I know Michael would be a great father. He already is – to his two children from his relationship with their mother, which lasted for more than 30 years.

He’s also a fantastic grandfather. When he’s with them, his obvious love for them never ceases to make me smile. Whenever a stranger’s baby coos at him and he coos back, I’m hit by a palpable longing to have a child with him.

Regardless of his age, children aren’t on the cards for us. The man I love already has two children. We’re not looking to become parents. Still, if the unexpected happened, or if we simply changed our minds, I wouldn’t grimace at the idea of my partner being a much older dad.

Parenthood isn’t something you have to do in your twenties and early thirties – Naomi Campbell showed us that when she became a mother at 50. We’re much more in tune with our wants and needs as we get older. We understand life in a way that we only wished we’d understood when we stumbled through our twenties, fooled into believing it was the peak of adulthood.

Life isn’t, and shouldn’t, be determined by an outdated societal rule. “Don’t have sex outside of marriage”, “don’t have children when you’re over 30”, “work until you die” – those choices shouldn’t be subject to the moralising of others, they’re for us and us alone. If you want to adhere to these socially imposed set of deadlines, so be it. But equally, those who don’t follow it shouldn’t be condemned.

I don’t know if De Niro is a good father at 79 years old, or if Pacino will be a great one at 83.

What I do know, though, is that as long as that child is wanted and loved, whatever amount of time it has with its father is immaterial. And while they enjoy time spent as a family, too many of us are wasting our own precious time scrutinising others.