The Diary: Heaven helping Heathens

THE HEATHENS have been exorcised. Desperate to halt an appalling run of ill-fortune, Cradley Heath, aka the Heathens, called in a priest to dispel disruptive spirits from their Dudley Wood speedway circuit. Ten years ago, Cradley Heath were kings of the track; their star rider, Erik Gundersen, even became world champion. But from 1986 illnesses and injuries took an insidious grip: Alan Grahame, an ex-world finalist, contracted and bravely overcame Hodgkins' Disease; Gundersen's career ended in a crash; England's Simon Cross broke his back; while Jan Pedersen, the 1992 world champion, has not raced competitively since an accident. 'This season six of our riders have been hurt,' the Heathens' promoter, Colin Pratt, said. 'To show how our luck is going we signed (Sweden's) Peter Nahlin on loan from Eastbourne and he broke his collarbone before he had even made his debut for us.' Last weekend, the Dane, Morten Andersen, fractured his arm. Pratt, who tried to end this sorry run by following superstition and reducing the green in the team colours, was delighted when a colleague invited in Rev David Woodhouse this week. 'He walked round the track. I believe he blessed it to see if that would help us,' Pratt said.

WHEN Ryan Giggs, a three-year- old gelding, paraded before its debut at Epsom on Thursday, a TV commentator ventured: 'Ryan Giggs there. Presumably named after the footballer.'

THE lawns of Longleat will be covered in mowers today. But the grass will remain uncut. Those mowers gracing the Wiltshire pastures have had their blades removed, a prerequisite for competing in British Lawn Mower Racing Association events. This publicity-shy amateur sport, conceived in a Sussex pub 21 years ago, has numbered among its practitioners Stirling Moss, a past champion of the British Lawn Mower Racing GP, and Derek Bell, twice winner of the 12-Hour Lawn Mower race. The BLMRA aims to provide 'well-organised and inexpensive motor sport in a daft sort of way' and trophy hunters are strenuously discouraged.

For afficionados, the quickest mower allowed in 'the little tractor- type' Group 3 (lawn mowing's F1) is the Westwood Gazelle or Westwood Lawnbug but measures are taken to ensure a good time is had by all magnificent men on their Flymo machines. 'A 40 to 50-year- old lawn mower cannot compete with these (expensive, new ones) so there is a lot of handicapping,' Jim Gavin, the BLMRA's general secretary, says. 'The old ones are worth nothing. Some of them are straight out of Great Aunt Maude's shed.'

'EXCUSE ME,' enquired a concerned lady awaiting the Derby start. 'Weigh Anchor has just spread a plate. What does that mean?' 'Well,' came the reply from a paddock wag who had been amusing his mates by repeating Weigh Anchor very quickly, 'it means they've had to call the AA out to do some repair work.' 'Oh. Does that mean there will be an hour's wait?'

THE Odd Team of the Week (comedian cricketers) provoked a bulging postbag, as Sid James would titter. Most noticed the gaggle of gigglers at Gloucestershire - Hancock, Cooper, Dawson and Co. The bottle of Wild Turkey Bourbon goes to David Buckley and John Langley, of the Royal National Theatre Cricket Club, London, for their team 'comprised entirely of performers who have appeared in at least one Carry On film':

A (Jim) Dale (Glamorgan); S P (Sid) James (Glamorgan); C W (Terry) Scott (Durham); M (Windsor) Davies (Goucestershire); C (Wilfred Hyde-) White (Yorkshire); R J (Joan) Sims (Middlesex); M Jean (Hattie) -Jacques (Hampshire); N C (Leslie) Phillips (Middlesex); N F (Kenneth) Williams (Middlesex); C A (Kenneth) Connor (Hampshire); A R C (Liz) Fraser (Middlesex).

'Umpiring duties are somewhat harder to apportion - but the name P Willey wouldn't look out of place on a Carry On cast-list.'

This week's Team Spirit test: a side of sports newscasters. Entries to Sports Diary, The Independent, 40 City Road, London EC1Y 2DB.