Sports Quotes of 1992: Brickbats, badinage and bon mots

He is a very dangerous man. He is as welcome as a piranha fish in a bidet. Jesus Gil, Atletico Madrid chairman, on the then Real Madrid striker, Hugo Sanchez.

He's the Fidel Castro of football - an enlightened despot rather than a dictator. Steve Coppell, Crystal Palance manager, on his chairman, Ron Noades.

Gazza's Boys We Are Here, Shake Your Women and Drink Your Beer. T-shirt worn by Lazio fans at Paul Gascoigne's comeback match.

Have you got a message for Norway? Norwegian television interviewer to Gascoigne - he received a four-letter, three-word response.

You look at Paul and think: 'Please God, don't let anything go wrong.' . . . I can't remember one player having as much influence and effect. Graham Taylor, England manager, on Paul Gascoigne, after the 4-0 win over Turkey.

I expect to win . . . Let me do the worrying - that's what I'm paid for. Get your feet up in front of the telly, get a few beers in and have a good time. Taylor, before European Championships.

We've not come here to entertain. We've come to win. Carlton Palmer in Sweden.

I get criticised for whatever I say and whatever I do. There is no respect or dignity. No status to the job. We are trying to change and progress within a system that allows for eff-all. I get crucified. Taylor, after the 0-0 draw with France in Sweden.

We might as well try playing this way now. Taylor, on his side's 11th- hour adoption of the sweeper system in Sweden.

SWEDES 2 TURNIPS 1. Sun headline after the defeat by Sweden that eliminated England from the Championships.

If you can't join them, beat them. Uffe Elkmann-Jensen, Danish foreign minister, after Denmark's European Championship victory.

If you're going over the top on me you've got to put me out of the game because I'll be coming back for you, whether it's in the next five minutes or next season. Vinnie Jones in Soccer's Hard Men video.

He must be a 'mosquito brain'. Sam Hammam, the Wimbledon chairman, on Jones's involvement in the video.

On whose behalf are the FA outraged? Supporters? No. Players? No. They are treating this video like Queen Victoria looked at lesbianism. It is refreshing for a footballer to say 'Yes, I do this, yes, that goes on.' Vinnie should be awarded money, not fined. Danny Baker, former presenter of Six-O- Six, on Jones's pounds 20,000 fine.

Su-mo, su-mo. Leeds United fans to Liverpool's rotund midfielder, Jan Molby.

A 22-headed monster. Gordon Taylor, Professional Footballers' Association chief executive, on the Premier League.

When you are up to your neck in alligators it's difficult to remember you were there to drain the swamp. Rick Parry, chief executive of the Premier League on the faction fights within the league.

Soccer's a ball game, isn't it? The NFL's a ball game and they hype that up. Why can't we do the same? Alan Sugar, Tottenham chairman, on the razzmatazz surrounding the Premier League.

The integrity and name of the FA Premier League should be sacrosanct. Certainly for this season. Graham Kelly, on the rejection of Carling's desire to have their name coupled with the FA Premier League.

The perfect result is 0-0. Goals are caused by defensive mistakes. Annibale Frossi, a former Italian international and coach.

Take a picture and I will smash that camera over your head. Stan Flashman, Barnet chairman, to photographer outside League tribunal which fined the club pounds 50,000 for financial irregularities.

I'm absolutely gutted. I'm devastated. The man is a complete and utter shit, a disgrace to the game. Barry Fry, sacked as Barnet manager, on Flashman.

If I had a message to Barry it would be to stay as far away as possible. I will never, ever sell Barnet Football Club to any person who is going to employ Barry Fry because I think he is a bad egg. Flashman, after he had sacked Fry.

It's quite difficult dealing with Mr Flashman, because if you speak your mind he tends to sack you. I've been sacked three times now. Edwin Stein, Barnet assistant manager, on relations with his chairman.

The supporters don't matter as far as I'm concerned. They just pay their entrance fee. Flashman.

Flashman used to be my hero. Now I feel like a total fool for having backed him on so many occasions. I feel dead. Barnet are the laughing-stock of football. For his own sake, his family's sake and that of football I think he should resign. Fry, between sackings.

We are looking for players who are role models, not parole models. Kenny Cooper, coach of Baltimore Blast, on reports that Diego Maradona was to sign for his team.

Most teams get treated for cuts and bruises at half-time. We have our nuts tightened. Chris Sole, goalkeeper of Roehampton Amputees football team.

If someone told me I could swap the football career I had for a life without Parkinson's disease I still wouldn't change a thing. Ray Kennedy, former Arsenal, Liverpool and England player.

I'm frightened to stop, because there can be no life as enjoyable as this. Gordon Strachan, of Leeds and Scotland, aged 34.

I lost all my growing-up years. I haven't lived a normal life. I think it was a mistake. Seve Ballesteros.

If I had to do it all again, I wouldn't. It's not worth it. If I had a choice I would just be a normal person. Zola Budd-Pieterse on her career.

Suddenly I'm feeling very philosophical and it's not a terrible sensation at all. It's rather good, believe it or not . . . Perhaps, all of a sudden, I realise that at my age I actually don't care enough any more. Daley Thompson.

My career could have ended in a concrete wall. I should have had the support of my team, but they are gutless. Nigel Mansell on the crash with Ayrton Senna that put him out of the Adelaide Grand Prix.

He is always complaining. Senna.

People hang on his every word and he thinks he is a superstar. In fact, he is just a lot richer and a bit quicker than he was four years ago when he joined us. Frank Williams on Mansell.

Who do you think you are, Nigel Mansell?

No, actually I'm Ayrton Senna. Traffic policeman and Ayrton Senna.

One does not have the right to beat the English. It's a law of sport. Le Figaro editorial after England's rugby union team had beaten France in Paris.

Only one got in before 5am and two had to be carried in. Wasps official on the night out to celebrate England's win over France, a few hours before the 28-6 defeat against Racing Paris.

What's happened in England is that rugby is no longer a preparation for a piss-up. Stan Liptrot, RFU and Llandovery coach, on the transformation of the rugby ethic.

There were at least five instances of people being grabbed by the testicles. Neath is the bag-snatching capital of Wales. Bob Dwyer, Australian RU tour coach, after victory over Neath.

I didn't touch anyone. I just had my foot poised above their hooker's head as a warning. Adrian Owen, banned for life after his sixth sending-off for alleged stamping, on the final incident.

Things like this happen. People drop dead going to the cafeteria. Bruce Coslet, NY Jets head coach, justifying American football after Dennis Byrd's collision with a team-mate that left him with a broken neck.

We're lucky here. We've only had fractured spines, fractured skulls, ruptured spleens, upper-body pulls and breaks - and lower body - fingers, ankles. . . . Fatalities are a rarity. Graham Page, St John's Ambulance officer, at Foxhall speedway track, Ipswich.

I get to a point in a match where things just get too painful. My hips go and my knees get too sore and my back stiffens up. I hurt every day. Jimmy Connors.

They seem yards high and are packed from head to foot with muscles. The buggers would definitely hit the ball too hard for me. Fred Perry on power tennis.

I suspect enough is enough. John McEnroe ponders retirement after US Open defeat to Jim Courier.

There will never be another John. Courier on McEnroe.

He's very, very intelligent, very, very sensitive, very evolved, more than his linear years. And he's an extraordinary human being. He plays like a Zen master. Barbra Streisand on her friend, Andre Agassi.

I was the best men's player but I have always wanted to be the unofficial women's champion too. Connors, before his match against Martina Navratilova.

It's so quiet this tournament's turning into a sports event. Reporter at Wimbledon on the lack of scandal.

If I'm in the lead on Sunday night I'll be bowel-shatteringly panic stricken. David Feherty, golfer, at the US Masters.

I considered beating the living daylights out of the snake after it got me, but it's probably got a wife and snakelets. Feherty, after being bitten by an adder at Wentworth golf course.

Golf is about my fifth priority in life. I'm not sure what the other four are. Fred Couples, golf's world-ranked No. 2.

She loves her job, she's dedicated and she trains hard. There are not too many guys who train more than their right arm at the bar. Nick Faldo on his caddie, Fanny Sunesson.

I had a bill from a golf club in Toronto, and it said: Jimmy White and Alex Higgins: round of golf, free; hire of golf clubs, free; 24 golf balls, free; two packs of cards, free; drinks bill, dollars 780. That sums it up - a nice day out with Jimmy and Alex. Barry Hearn, White's former manager.

What has Jeremy Bates won? What has Frank Bruno won apart from rave reviews in a panto? Stephen Hendry on his decision to boycott the BBC Sports Personality of the Year awards because of the BBC's treatment of snooker.

I'm not going to the Crucible for the experience. I don't expect to lose. Peter Ebdon, 21-year-old snooker rookie, before victory over Steve Davis in the World Championships.

How long have I been off the booze? That's easy - 27 days, three hours and 21 minutes. Jimmy White, after his 147 maximum break at the Crucible.

What is the point of studying school books when you can be watching racing and betting all day? Ben Newton, 18-year-old member of the William Hill family, asked to leave Millfield for skipping lessons.

I'd rather be trying to be the best at something I'm good at than be a mediocre secretary. Suki Brownsdon, Olympic swimmer.

I'm one of the poorest guys in baseball. Jose Canseco, signed to Oakland for dollars 4m (pounds 2.3m) two years ago, on the dollars 28.4m seven-year deal between Ryne Sandberg and the Chicago Cubs.

They should go and play in the Philippines, then we could call them the Manila folders. Yogi Berra, former NY Mets manager, on his old side's losing habit.

I kept asking them, 'What did I do? What did I do?' I didn't make any sudden moves because I remember Rodney King. Al Joyner, 1984 Olympic triple jump champion, after being stopped and handcuffed at gunpoint by Los Angeles police.

We're spending too much time in the ad studios and not enough in the nets. Hair gels and body lotions are for male models, not cricketers. John Bracewell, former New Zealand Test player, on the present Kiwi side.

The world's a better place when we beat the Australians at cricket. Margaret Thatcher.

A rather sad-looking giant of a man, whose slightly stooped shoulders create a lumbering image. Press hand-out at cricket World Cup, on Graham Gooch.

There will be some trouser-changing at Lord's when it appears. Ian Botham on the autobiography he intends to write.

Golf carts yield right of way to llamas. Rule No. 4 at Talamore GC, North Carolina.

My idea of a good night out was 12 pints of lager, a fight in the car park, wreck a curry house and then pull an old bird. They were great times but I've calmed down now. Billy Isaacs, heavyweight boxer.

They were all English at our table. The music came on and one said 'come on, let's do the whore dance'. Malmo is never like this. Elin Projts, Swedish student, after two hours in a beer tent during the European Championships.

Dad] Someone is taking a picture of me] Cut it out, you] Sean McEnroe, aged five, at his father's press conference.