Nick Harris: Goat facing chop to save Tromso's 'donkeys'

The Sweeper

A Norwegian farmer, Jarle Johansen, has offered to publicly sacrifice a goat before kick-off when his club, Tromso, play their last home game of the season against Lyn this weekend. He hopes the bloody ritual might save Tromso, bottom of the table and destined for relegation from the top division unless they win. His touching overture came after a fellow supporter placed a curse on the team after a reconfiguration of seats earlier this year saw him lose his regular place in the Alfheim stadium.

''I believe in the curse," Johansen said. "It is possible to let the devil out. The most important thing now is not who did it, but to lift the curse quickly. If Tromso agree, I will throw a goat in my truck and drive straight to Alfheim. It has to be killed inside the stadium, otherwise there is no point. Can you imagine how much fun it would be if I was allowed to slaughter the goat, then Tromso crushed Lyn?"

We cannot confirm that Southampton, still winless at their new St Mary's stadium in four Premiership matches since their move from The Dell this summer, have put out a plea for livestock suppliers to make haste to the south coast before next Saturday's game with Blackburn.

Kevin Keegan said last week that moving to a new home "will be the making of Manchester City". The First Division side will become the owners of the spanking new £110m City of Manchester stadium after the Commonwealth Games and Keegan attended a ribbon-cutting ceremony to mark the unwrapping of the first seat.

On a visit to the impressive venue, The Sweeper was struck by the splendid progress being made and fascinated by a tour of the stadium's cavernous bowls. Did you know, for example, that EU stadium law dictates that one of the first provisions that must be made in any such project is the building of cells? In City's future home, deep underground, the rooms include two huge cages with metal bars and an ultra-secure "slammer" with a thick metal door and single peephole.

When we visited, there were myriad rooms still in progress, including the changing areas and a small office, discreetly tucked away, which the amiable City-supporting foreman said would be the centre of Kev's operations.

"That's optimism for you," said another workman. "City don't move in till 2003."

Alistair Campbell, the Prime Minister's official spokesman, is no stranger to titillating literature, having once earned a crust penning saucy contributions for a men's magazine. He has also been spotted at a Britney Spears concert, so knows a thing or two about pin-up girls. But even he would have been aghast, surely, at a three-page feature in Tuesday's match programme for the visit of Crystal Palace to his beloved Burnley.

The article, essentially a spread of photographs of girls in their knickers, assessed the relative merits of famous footballers' partners and ranked them in order of attractiveness. The prose did little to offend, giving a bit of background into the lives of the Wonderbra model Adriana Sklenarikova (wife of Christian Karembeu), the singer and author Victoria Beckham (married to a Manchester United winger, apparently), the Emmerdale actress Sheree Murphy (fiancée of Harry Kewell), Mrs Louise Redknapp (daughter-in-law of Harry) and Linda Evangelista (girlfriend of Fabien Barthez). But the title would have presented a problem, not least to a former journalist. "The Top Five Player's Birds" screamed the banner across the top of each page, oblivious to the correct application of the apostrophe.

Mr Campbell penned a page of his own in the programme, as did two fellow "celeb" fans – Peter Salmon, head of sport at the BBC, and Tony Livesey, editor of the Sunday Sport and Daily Sport newspapers. Campbell wrote that he had been tickled by a report that a batch of counterfeit Burnley shirts had been among a haul seized by Customs investigators at Stanstead recently. "I know those selling the shirts are ripping off the club and fobbing supporters off with poor quality merchandise as well," he wrote. "And some have made their way to the town already. So I'm certainly not condoning it. But I couldn't help smiling to myself when thinking back a few seasons – and wondering how many international counterfeiting gangs were bothering to check our new colours before going into mass production." Progress, eh?

David Ginola has revealed this week what offence earned him his first ticking-off as a 17-year-old trainee at Toulon. "I smoked a cigarette in my room before going to bed," he told the Aston Villa programme. "I put it out in my shaving cream which I put away in my locker. I thought I'd put it out but I was awoken by the alarm going off because the room was full of smoke and Frank Leboeuf had to open the window. The club told my parents I would be kicked out if it happened again. I behaved myself after that."

Needless to say, it did not put him off his fags, although you're unlikely to see him advertising the fact. Can you imagine? "20 Superkings, because ah'm worth it.''