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Your support makes all the difference.World in Union
The middle section of Jupiter in Holst’s The Planets, currently being debased by Paloma Faith before and after the adverts on ITV, is the theme of the Rugby World Cup since 1991. Its first incarnation was recorded by Dame Kiri Te Kanawa, who in being both a New Zealander and an opera singer came very close to capturing rugby’s broad demographic. It’s had a rough ride since then at the hands of Shirley Bassey, Bryn Terfel, Ladysmith Black Mambazo and finally, now, Paloma Faith, all serving as convenient social barometer for the various failed attempts at broadening the sport’s appeal.
Tune: Gustav Holst
Lyrics: Occasional Eighties guest vocalist Charlie Skarbek
Lyric: If I win, lose or draw
There’s a winner in us all
Verdict: Inoffensive, meaningless, pseudo patriotic and therefore perfect.
Fifa Hymn
Fifa’s official anthem, a wordless polite version of Star Wars has been played before every World Cup match since 1994, as well as on loop for more than 20 minutes before Sepp Blatter eventually came out to announce his resignation from the Fifa presidency.
Composer: Franz Lambert
Lyrics: None
Verdict: Exists only for the aggrandisement of those who commissioned it. Again, perfect.
Europa League anthem
It may well be that the Europa League only exists for the purpose of having an anthem to play before its matches, not least as the chap who wrote it and receives royalties everywhere it is played from Astana to Anfield just happens to be Michel Platini’s son-in-law, Yohann Zweig.
Composer: Yohann Zweig
Lyrics: None
Verdict: Barber’s “Adagio for Strings” meets Albanian retropop. As rubbish as it is pointless. Perfect.
Conquest of Paradise
Although played before the national anthems at both the 2015 and 2011 iterations of the tournament it is not officially the anthem of the Cricket World Cup. This presumably leaves crowds free to boo it without fear of sanction, but to do so would upset Sheffield Wednesday, who also play it before all home matches, as well as Ridley Scott, for whose film 1492: Conquest of Paradise, the piece was written.
Composer: Vangelis
Lyrics: In nòreni per ìpe / in noreni coràh / tiràmine per ìto / ne dominà.
Which, loosely translated from the faux Latin original means: “A collection of meaningless syllables with domina at the end for a bit of gravitas.”
Verdict: buckle on the breastplate / armguard / jock strap stuff. Excellent.
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