Brian Viner: Famous fans with the prize-winning cringe factor

'I feel great affection for my fellow Evertonian Ed 'Stewpot' Stewart, but would I feel the same if he followed Plymouth?'

My thanks to a reader, who evidently works in the civil service and has e-mailed me from the Home Office. The reader – whose name I won't reveal except to say that it wasn't Jo Wright, who is already in quite enough trouble from sending e-mails she shouldn't have – took up the subject explored here last week of celebrity football fans, and in particular celebrities likely to cause embarrassment for ordinary fans.

"I am wondering," wrote my correspondent, "whether there is a more unlikely trio of celebrity supporters than that now boasted by Arsenal – Osama bin Laden, Johnny Rotten and the Archbishop of Canterbury? Have they ever sat next to each other at a match and, if so, did they have the members of Spandau Ballet sitting behind them with Bernie Winters and Shnorbitz?" A beguiling thought.

"I can say," continued my correspondent, "that as an Arsenal fan the revelation that Bin Laden is among our number is not as embarrassing as the moment 10 years ago when Jeremy Beadle announced on ITV that he was an Arsenal fan before inviting the entire squad onto the stage, including Perry Groves dressed as Anneka Rice. What followed then was Perry Groves having to run from the studio to the car park within 120 seconds, still dressed as Rice, in order to prevent Paul Davis's car from being crushed by a bulldozer. It really was as bad as it sounds."

Now, this begs some interesting questions about the stigma implicit in supporting the same team as the most evil man in the world, not to mention Osama bin Laden. So let me offer a bottle of champagne, which I will try to dispatch in time for Christmas, to the reader who in fewer than 100 words can best answer the question: Which well-known supporter of your team are you most ashamed of, and why?

Candidates can be alive or dead. For example, I revealed last week that Adolf Hitler supported the German club Schalke, so all those Schalke-supporting readers out there might like to participate. I have also tried to find out what were the favoured football clubs of notorious criminals. Ronnie Biggs, I gather, is a keen Celtic fan, not that he's attended many home games these last 30 years. With serial killers such as Fred West, Harold Shipman and Peter Sutcliffe, I had less success. Unsurprisingly, it seems that serial killers tend to opt out of socially inclusive pursuits such as supporting football teams. Body-building is Sutcliffe's thing, apparently.

If he did follow football, he would perhaps support Bradford City, whose celebrity supporters, according to a club website, include "famous actress Heather Pierce, who plays Sally 'Gracie' Fields in LWT's London's Burning, Doctor in the House star George Layton, former world snooker champion Joe Johnson, and BBC North weatherman Paul Hudson". There doesn't seem much there to get embarrassed about, but Bradford City fans might know different.

Certainly, Aston Villa fans are entitled to feel mildly mortified about sharing their passion with the violinist Nigel Kennedy, ditto Chelsea fans with David Mellor. Was there ever a worse time to be seen in a replica Chelsea kit than in the wake of mischievous tabloid suggestions that the revolting Mellor had squeezed into club colours before his romps with the actress Antonia de Sancha? I don't think so.

But then one man's embarrassment is another man's source of pride. I have a Manchester United-supporting singer-songwriter friend who would prefer not to chant in unison with Mick Hucknall, yet there must be many United fans delighted to have as a kindred spirit a fellow who named his band Simply Red.

The same conflicting emotions doubtless apply to Manchester City fans and Noel Gallagher, Sheffield Wednesday fans and Roy Hattersley, and Birmingham City fans and Jasper Carrott, while a friend of mine with a season ticket at White Hart Lane says he is delighted that Salman Rushdie is a Spurs fan, but wouldn't want to sit next to him. Especially at a North London derby with Bin Laden in the directors' box.

Of course, some celebrities have rightly been lionised by fellow fans for raising the profile of their relatively unfashionable teams. Eric Morecambe and Luton Town spring to mind, as do Frank Skinner and West Bromwich Albion.

And some celebrities, such as Watford fan Elton John, and Norwich City fan Delia Smith, have admirably put their money where their hearts are. Which begs another interesting question. Can one's estimation of a famous person be substantially altered, for better or worse, merely according to the football team he or she supports? I think it can. I myself feel great affection for my fellow Evertonian Ed 'Stewpot' Stewart, which might not be the case if he followed, say, Plymouth Argyle. And I'm sure there are plenty of Fulham fans who used to think dear old Mohamed al Fayed was a bit of a plonker.

Whatever, the champagne awaits.

b.viner@independent.co.uk