Desolate, dispiriting, irredeemable day for English cricket will be remembered for when the 2017 Ashes series died

England 403, Australia 549-4: Steve Smith's wonderful double-century has exposed England's true selves after a torturous 90 overs in the field for just one wicket

On the grass bank at the western end of the Waca, the Barmy Army had organised an enormous conga line. Stuart Broad, fielding at mid-off, was watching with interest. Perhaps he was simply trying to avoid looking at the scoreboard. Australia were 549-4. Mitchell Marsh, 181 not out. It had been 466 balls since England’s last wicket. On a desolate, dispiriting, irredeemable day for English cricket, neither numbers nor interpretative dance could offer the slightest solace.

This was, in theory, the middle day of the series: day three of Test three. In fact, it was probably the day the series died. The day it finally lost its last vestiges of mystery or sporting intrigue. England may yet bat out the four or five sessions they need for a draw (and the weather, with showers forecast tomorrow afternoon and Monday morning, may help them). But it wouldn’t shift the fundamentals of the series, and in any case you would strongly bet against it.

For this was the day when we learned for certain what should probably have been apparent all along: that England simply lack the ability to take the 20 Australian wickets they will need to win a Test. They couldn’t do it in English-style conditions in Adelaide, and they couldn’t get close here. Instead, as Shaun Marsh and the wonderful Steven Smith and Mitchell Marsh batted and batted, as England toiled 90 overs in the heat for just a single wicket, their strength and resolve gradually deserted them. England were not so much deep fried as slow roasted: one of those long, thankless, exhausting days that shortens careers.

Smith progressed imperturbably to his 22nd Test century in the morning and his second double-century in the evening, ending on a career-best 229 not out. The much-maligned Mitchell Marsh, returning to the side on his home ground, could scarcely have dreamed that his maiden Test century would have come as bloodlessly as this. On what was admittedly a beautiful batting wicket, England gave them room, gave them time, gave them space, gave them friendly fields and bowling at a comfortable pace.

After all, when your most threatening bowler by far is Craig Overton, a one-Test rookie playing through a cracked rib, then something has gone wrong somewhere. England’s five-man attack, a group with 1097 Test wickets between them, were reduced to the role of net bowlers, gentleman fluffers, Christmas panto stooges. Did you spread the field in a failed attempt to constrain scoring options? Oh yes you did! Did you maintain pressure by bowling a consistent line and length? Oh no you didn’t! Where are the Ashes? They’re behind you!

If Joe Root came into the day with plans, it is hard to envisage any of them involving the gentle leg-spin of Dawid Malan. But at the end of a record-shattering day for Australia, this is where we were. Malan – who Smith mischievously described as the pick of England’s bowlers – trotting in. Fielders diving over the ball. Bowlers struggling to get to the crease. Fans who had long since disengaged from the cricket itself and disappeared towards the bar or the conga line. A team not so much bereft of answers as finally grasping the only one that mattered: that there is only one team good enough to win this series.

The scoreboard made bleak reading for England (Getty)

Perhaps England telegraphed their intentions before a ball had been bowled. As James Anderson ran into Smith with a still-new ball, just one slip was in place. And Root’s field placements were curious all day – appropriate for a sluggish Brisbane pitch where batsmen were struggling to time the ball, but quixotic in the extreme when the ball was smacking into the middle of the bat and racing away across a quick outfield.

There was very little attempt, for example, to bowl purely on one side of the wicket and dry up runs: the conventional method of containment. Instead we frequently had Broad bowling on a good length outside off-stump with no fielder in front of square on the off-side. Anderson going around the wicket with the old ball to Smith with a leg slip, and getting cut through third man. Australia were able not simply to score, but to score quickly. That bought time may yet be crucial in forcing a win.

Steve Smith ducks out of the way of a bouncer on his way to 229 not-out on day three (Getty)

We should touch on the day’s only wicket: Shaun Marsh, who edged Moeen Ali to slip in the first hour and must have spent the rest of the day absolutely fuming. At least the stirring performance of his younger brother will have cheered him. Mitchell Marsh was magnificent from the off, driving straight with immense power and looking – both literally and figuratively – right at home.

As for Smith, where do you start? It was a masterclass in adaptation by the world’s No 1-ranked batsman: the polar opposite of his innings at Brisbane, where he almost entirely cut out the cover drive on a sticky pitch and accumulated off the back foot. Here he trusted the bounce and drove brilliantly, manoeuvred the ball into gaps for twos, glanced and late cut powerfully. A world-class attack in helpful conditions can trouble him. England had neither.

Steve Smith points to his family after passing 200 in the first innings (Getty)

Once or twice he looked discomforted, and even then we are stretching things. There were a couple of edges that dribbled harmlessly into the off-side. A couple of LBW reviews that Root only agreed to grant when he realised that he had nothing better up his sleeve. The second of these was turned down because Anderson had overstepped the line for a no-ball. If England didn’t already know what sort of day it was going to be, that was surely the clincher.

Whether all this was the lack of a plan or the poor execution of a plan is really a moot point. Test cricket is like tug-of-war: you can’t both be doing well at once. Short of magically finding a 91mph delivery or getting at the Kookaburra ball with nail-scissors, what – realistically – could Root have done differently?

Stuart Broad reacts with dejection on a frustrating day for England (Getty)

What can you do about the fact that England’s cricketers are drawn from a tiny demographic segment? What can you do about the fact that their most talented players – Jos Buttler, Eoin Morgan, Alex Hales, Tymal Mills – play different formats of the game? What can you do about a climate that produces juicy green seamers? What can you do when your star all-rounder gets himself into a ruck outside a nightclub?

The big decisions were made long ago. Everything else is nibbling at the edges. A few commentators wondered aloud why England hadn’t tried to sledge Smith, disturb him, put him off his stroke. It was the idle speculation that you get when there is barely anything left to speculate about. The talking is over, and the Ashes soon will be.