Relative values

This week, the prospect was raised of 'fatherless' IVF babies. Now more than ever, the image of the traditional nuclear family with 2.4 children seems out of step with the modern world. So what is normal in Britain in 2004?

The teenage mother

Britain has the highest rate of teenage pregnancy in Western Europe

Sarah Whitfield, from Cardiff, was 16 when she became pregnant with her son Dean, now two. Her second child, by a different father, is due in May. "I didn't plan to become pregnant and I was really frightened. I had just left school and my boyfriend was the same age as me," she said. After Dean was born, she moved in with her boyfriend but, living on income support and with Ms Whitfield struggling with motherhood, the couple split up. "He started becoming violent. When he hit our son, I moved into a women's refuge," she said. Ms Whitfield was accepted on to a scheme run by Barnados, and given a flat with support from project leader. "She has helped me get on my feet," said Ms Whitfield, who is doing a college course and wants to be a social worker. "I'm with a partner I really love and am looking forward to this baby."

The stay-at-home dad

One in 11 stay-at-home parents are fathers

Ian Barlow, 36, and his wife Sallie have a daughter, Zoe, aged two. Mr Barlow gave up work to look after Zoe while his wife went back to work three months after giving birth. "It was a purely financial decision," he said. "We both worked as graphic designers, but I was freelance and Sallie has a more senior post in advertising. It was actually much harder than I thought it would be, especially when Zoe was a baby. There were times when I would go a whole day without talking to another adult until Sallie came home. I really missed that contact." He and Zoe now attend a local playgroup near their home in Isleworth, south-west London. "It is mainly mothers, and when I first arrived they gave me a few stares, but now it's fine," he said. "We have a webcam at home, and I send Sallie videos of Zoe so she doesn't miss out when she walks and talks."

The IVF family

Over 50,000 children have been born through IVF since 1978

Ros Jay, 42, and her husband Richard Craze, 52, have three children all born through IVF treatment. Jack is seven, Ned four and Hal was born two years ago. Richard has a son aged 17 from a previous relationship and had a vasectomy before he met Ms Jay. Surgery to reverse the vasectomy failed, and the couple decided to try fertility treatment. "We live in Devon where IVF wasn't available on the NHS, so we went to London for private treatment," said Ms Jay. They began treatment using ICSI (intracytoplasmic sperm injection), in which a single sperm is injected into the woman's egg. Jack was conceived at the first attempt, but Ned took two IVF cycles and Ms Jay had three failed attempts before Hal was born. "Treatment can be a difficult period, but it doesn't make any difference how they were conceived once they arrive," she said.

The adoptive family

Some 3,500 children were adopted in Britain in 2003

Avril Head, 52, and her husband Ron, from south London, have three natural children in their twenties, two adopted sons and have fostered more than 100 children over the past 20 years. "When my own kids got older I didn't want to stop caring for children and so I started to look after children who needed short-term fostering," said Mrs Head. Eight years ago she and her husband, a retired fireman, adopted Simon, one of their foster children, when he was seven after social workers found it difficult to find him a permanent home. Last year, they adopted Dominic, four-and-a-half, who has special needs. "It seems an unusual situation from the outside, but I love each of them individually," Mrs Head said. "Although people are impressed by numbers, they are irrelevant. At the end of the day we enjoy it and so do the children."

The extended step-family

Nine in 10 children in step-families belong to the mother

Kerry Macoll, 44, and her husband Calum started off as neighbours, but 10 years on have four children from their previous relationships and one daughter together. "It has been hard work, but we've come through it," said Ms Macoll, a writer. "We have always been open and honest with the kids and each other about everything." Ms Macoll, 44, has three children from her first marriage and her husband, a musician, a son. They only became a couple after their respective relationships ended. She said: "The kids had spent a lot of time with each other and we were always in and out of each other's houses, and the relationship grew from there." The couple moved in after 18 months and married 10 years ago. They now have a girl aged 10. "The children bicker, but we all get on pretty well, considering," Ms Macoll said.

The grandfather with sole custody

47 per cent of grandparents are actively involved in raising their grandchildren

William Smiles, 64, is bringing up his step-grandchildren on his own after winning a custody battle against their parents. He gave up his job as a storeman to care for Michael, now 12, and Nicola, 11. Mr Smiles married his second wife, Glenys, in 1986, and helped bring up her three children, including a daughter, Rebecca. At 18, Rebecca became pregnant. After Michael was born, she married her boyfriend and had Nicola. But Mr Smiles and his wife became concerned about the children's welfare. "In the end, we just said enough is enough, and decided to go for custody." His wife died suddenly, but Mr Smiles vowed to get custody. In 1995, he won. "It's been very difficult; they both have special needs, but I love them to bits, and that's what they need," he said.

The lesbian mothers

3,000 women are registered on the Man Not Included fertility treatment website

Sue Unsworth and her partner Ann Millie have a three-month-old son, Joab. Ann, 36, conceived after receiving fertility treatment on the NHS. Ms Unsworth, 33, a social worker, said: "We had talked about having children since we became a couple six years ago. But we started thinking about it seriously two years ago." After a failed attempt using an informal sperm donor, the couple went to their GP in east London, who referred them to the assisted conception unit at Homerton Hospital. Ann began treatment using artificial insemination and Joab was born in October. Both women's families have backed them. Ms Unsworth said: "I don't think our parents ever dreamt their grandchildren would be born this way, but they are fine. We're talking about having more children; I will probably have one next."

The 'average' 1.67-child family

The average British woman has her first child at 28 and has 1.67 children

Eve Paez, 30, and Warren Bowen, 34, live in north London and have one daughter, Ella, who is 21 months. They are the statistical family norm. But even their situation is a subtle combination of modern British life and traditional mores. Ms Paez became pregnant when she was in her last year at Middlesex University. "We did plan to have a baby, but did not realise that it would be so soon," she said. She now teaches yoga part-time while Mr Bowen works as a cabinet maker. The couple have thought about getting married, but have so far put off the decision - and are divided over having another child. "My feelings about it change," said Ms Paez, "but deep down I want another one. I think Warren worries about the effect it will have on our relationship."

The single father

11 per cent of all lone parents are men

Tony Lewis, 42, lives in Great Yarmouth with his sons James, nine, and Anthony, eight. He won residency rights after divorcing his wife of 10 years. He said: "I was the primary carer when we were together and I was staying in the marital home, which I thought was important for the children. But the family court could not understand that neither women nor men make better parents, we just do things differently. Fathering today is a hands-on issue and a 70-year-old judge might not have any notion of that." After winning custody, he then came up against other people's preconceptions about family life. "I have been excluded," he said. "When I stand in the playground, I'm always alone. If I make friends with the parents of my children's friends then it is the father, not the mother - who has the same role as me - who is interested."