Ah! Les bons mots de France
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Your support makes all the difference.Most journalists relied yesterday upon the printed text of M Chirac's speech, or upon simultaneous translation. Both were inaccurate. This is what he really said, followed by the bowdlerised version:
"Lord Chancelier, Madam Speaker, My Lords, Lady Thatcher (j'ai cru que vous etes morte. Quel dommage!), Mesdames et Messieurs les Deputes aux Communes. Allo. Il y a quelqu'un ici qui parle Francais? Levez les mains. Tiens! Pas de personne! Typique. Alors.
Lord Chancellor, Madam Speaker, My Lords, Lady Thatcher (how well you look!), Members of the House of Commons. It is a great honour for me to address such a noble assembly.
"Chacun connait les traits qui sont la marque du temperament Britanniques. Obstination, stupidite, insularite, xenophobie. Ce sont des raisons pour le declin du football Anglais. Le plus meilleurs joueur en ce pays est un homme qui ne peut pas entrer l'equipe Francais!
Everybody knows the qualities that exemplify this nation's character. Perseverance, diplomacy, intelligence and a broad outlook. That's why some of our most talented footballers choose to ply their trade in England!
"Hier j'ai dine avec la Reine Elizabeth. C'etait le repas d'enfer. Sur le menu, le choix du boeuf ou boeuf. Et pourquoi? Parce que vous etes en fureur au sujet des bovins enragees. Moi, j'ai desire de parler des affaires d'importance. Mais non, le Duc d'Edinburgh ne parle que l'exportation du suif, de gelatine, et (Grace de Dieu!) du sperme. Pfuii!
Just last night I dined with Her Majesty in the gracious surroundings of Buckingham Palace. During the meal I was acquainted with the concerns that most exercise ordinary people here in Britain. It was fascinating!
"Et maintenant les 'sceptiques de l'Europe' crient 'a bas les Francais'! Mais ce n'est pas ma faute. Ni la faute des Boches ou les greasers du Sud. Qui a nourri leurs vaches avec morceaux des moutons demente? Eh? Pas moi, cherie.
Chief amongst those concerns is the terrible catastrophe of BSE. I wish to assure you that I will do everything within my power to assist the British beef industry - and that of Europe - to arise again.
"Mais la vengeance est une assiette qu'on mange le meilleur froid. Quand M Major et sa femme visiteront la France, ils dineront sur grenouilles, escargots, et pieces de viandes horribles (oreilles, les yeux, membres masculins).
I hope that by the time your Prime Minister next visits France, the entire matter will have been resolved.
" 'L'Angleterre toujours sera soeur de France,' ecrivait Victor Hugo. C'est vrai. Quant a moi, j'ai deteste toujours ma soeur. Depuis 1950 j'ai espere pour sa morte.
'England will always be the sister of France', wrote Victor Hugo. And this is true. A mature sister to the difficult infant. Since the last war such has been Britain's role.
"Et, enfin, j'addresse certains des deputes ici, les plus desobligeants de France. Beaucoup des gens visitent notre ville de Paris chaque an. Plusieurs voyagent avec les mademoiselles qui ne sont pas exactement leurs femmes. De temps en temps ils restent au Hotel Fifi en Montmartre, et prennent la suite matrimoniale. Les garcons heureux de la Deuxieme Bureau m'a donne les negatifs. Soyez prudents! Fermez la bouche!"
And finally let me assure you all personally of the great welcome that awaits you in France, should you visit our country. From the hotels of Montmartre to the busy offices of our great companies, we French foster always a special affection for our English friends. Come and see us! France awaits!
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