Ming Ming gives Ted Ted the slip on farewell date

SIR EDWARD HEATH, the grand old man of Westminster, went to London Zoo yesterday to say goodbye to Britain's last giant panda, a species as rare as one-nation Tories.

Ming Ming took one look at Ted Ted and decided it was a no no. They both had the familiar bumbling gait and easy-going manner but this was a photo- opportunity, not another attempt at a forced romance between members of a dying breed.

For an hour Ming Ming had bathed in the glory of the photographers' flashbulbs only to disappear to her outside enclosure when the former prime minister appeared on the scene.

Ted Ted followed in pursuit, only to be outwitted by Ming Ming, who ducked back inside again. 'Ah, she's going indoors,' he said dolefully.

Ming Ming, on a two-year loan from the Chinese government which Sir Edward helped to arrange, was living up to her reputation as a difficult female when it comes to forming meaningful relationships.

On Monday she returns to China after failing to mate with Bao Bao, a middle-aged male from Berlin Zoo. As Jo Gipps, London Zoo's director, explained: 'The key to breeding seems to be to have a compatible pair. In our case Ming Ming and Boa Boa just didn't get on.'

There are no plans to replace Ming Ming with another giant panda, Dr Gipps said. 'I certainly would not want giant pandas here again unless they were part of an international cooperative breeding programme.'

He denied that any rift in Anglo-Chinese relations has influenced the return of Ming Ming. 'There are political dimensions to all this, inevitably. But as far as I'm aware they have not influenced whether Ming Ming should come here and certainly haven't influenced whether she should go back.'

When Sir Edward and Ming Ming were finally united in photographic bliss, he gave his verdict on her: 'She's charming, delightful, but just hasn't produced the results we wanted.'

(Photograph omitted)