‘He was carrying two knives looking for me’: Women cooped up with violent partners during lockdown recount horror

‘There was not one day during lockdown that he did not try to harass me and try to control who I speak to,’ one domestic abuse victim tells Maya Oppenheim. ‘I was petrified for myself and my children. That man is dangerous’

Calls to the UK’s national domestic abuse helpline have risen by 66 per cent since the start of the lockdown (Getty)

“I was at my local pub and we heard commotion and shouting outside,” Jemima* tells The Independent. “The landlords bolted the doors as they knew about my situation. He had been walking through town carrying two knives looking for me. When I went home, he had smashed all my windows in. He’d been up to my bedroom and smashed it up. He trashed my car as well, to the point that it was written off. Police detained him that night.”

Domestic abuse has soared since the government imposed lockdown restrictions to curb the spread of coronavirus, with a report recently released by MPs revealing domestic abuse killings doubled over 21 days during the public health crisis. Calls to the UK’s national domestic abuse helpline have risen by 66 per cent, and visits to its website have surged by 950 per cent since the start of the lockdown.

Jemima was forced to escape her violent ex-partner during the lockdown after his abuse began to spiral out of control. The alleged knife incident occurred days after Jemima reported her ex to the police for domestic abuse and kicked him out of her house.

“He was on the rampage with knives, which police think he took from my house,” the 36-year-old recalls. “He knew I was taking sleeping pills because of the stress he had caused me, so he thought I would be sleeping.”

Jemima started going out with her ex-partner, who she’d met years previously, after he reached out to her on social media out of the blue at the end of last year.

“He said all the right things,” she explains. ”But he had his feet under the table very quickly. His behaviour changed, to the point that I didn’t recognise him. His whole demeanour changed. He was becoming more and more controlling, obsessive and intimidating. To the point where I didn’t know who I was going to come home to. He had a Jekyll and Hyde personality.”

Jemima said her ex would call and text her 60 times in a given day but the abuse started to escalate when he started drinking more alcohol.

“He was now doing a can of beer faster than I’ve ever seen anyone drink a can,” she adds. “It was open and then it was gone. He didn’t stop. He would go off like a firework and fly off the handle accusing me of stuff. One night, out of the blue, he said: ‘I just want to let you know if you go anywhere near any of my friends, I’ll kill you and I’ll kill them’. I’d never even met them. Something was bubbling away in him. It was almost as if he was a pressure cooker.”

Things went from bad to worse that evening and Jemima says she was forced to run to the upstairs bathroom to escape him after he grabbed hold of her and began to get increasingly physically aggressive.

“At that point, he forced me into the bathroom and put his hands around my throat,” she adds. “I thought this isn’t real. This isn’t happening. What happened next was like I was in a film. He jumped on the kitchen counter and then onto me. He was swinging me around.”

Jemima managed to plead and coax him into calming down before making a dash for the front door and running to the safety of a neighbour’s home where she was able to ring the police. Her ex is currently on police bail and banned from approaching her, she says.

The conditions of the coronavirus lockdown did not create his abusive behaviour but exacerbated pre-existing patterns, she explains.

“If he had been at work during the day, as he would have normally, he would have had less time to think and stew on things,” Jemima reflects. “The availability of too much time allowed him to wind himself up.”

Jemima hit out at the way the police had dealt with her case – explaining they had promised her that ex-partner would be bailed to another part of the country but he was bailed within viewing distance of her home.

“The system is broken,” she says. “I could be dead. All the forensics were sent off during lockdown, when all the usual forensic labs were being used for coronavirus testing. The police needed the forensics to come back to present the case to the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) to charge him but they couldn’t do that because the forensics have been delayed. The police say if we go back and ask for a third bail extension, the CPS will throw the case out, so we need to release him from investigation for now. Once they do this in a few days, no measures will be in place to protect me. There is no restraining order.”

Jemima has moved to another part of the UK to protect her safety but had to do this off her own back without the help of police.

Emily*, who is now living in a refuge for domestic abuse survivors run by a charity called Hestia, also escaped from her abusive husband during the coronavirus lockdown.

“I was subjected to coercive control, physical, emotional, sexual and financial abuse,” the 43-year-old tells The Independent. “I am now in debt because of my husband. My husband was violent during the relationship. I had no say in anything. He would belittle me, harass me, and beat me up in front of the children. He would sexually abuse me because he used to say it was his right as a husband. The abuse was ongoing for seven years. This year I called the police three times in January, March and May when I was beaten, pushed around and screamed at all the time. They would ask him to leave. He kept coming back.”

But Emily says the situation deteriorated during the lockdown as her normal support network became harder to access, prompting a rise in her husband’s coercive control.

“He felt more in control,” she adds. “I was in prison under his control. He knew that there was little I could do. All of a sudden the children were staying indoors with me. That was his opportunity to manipulate the children against me. He would control the children by shouting and not allowing them to use social media. I took a passive role to avoid trouble. My son would report any calls or interactions I had with friends or relatives. It was a very lonely place.”

Emily said her husband was at his most aggressive during lockdown – explaining the local authority supported her to change the locks but her son carried on letting him into the house.

“I did not leave the house as I was scared he would kill me or abduct my children,” she adds. “There was not one day during lockdown that he did not try to harass me and try to control who I speak to. I was petrified for myself and my children. That man is dangerous. His abusive behaviour was increasing during Covid-19. The refuge is a nice place. This is the first time I feel safe and supported.”

Emily said her husband has been arrested and released on bail but she is unsure of his whereabouts.

Lucy Hadley, of lead domestic abuse charity Women’s Aid, told The Independent the coronavirus crisis could not have come at a worse time for cash-strapped refuges, which were already struggling due to austerity measures.

Local authority spending on refuges for domestic abuse survivors has fallen from £31.2m in 2010 to £23.9m in 2017 – meaning several were forced to shut.

Ms Hadley said: “Demand for life-saving refuge services exceeded capacity before Covid-19; 64 per cent of referrals to refuges were declined in 2018-19 and the number of refuge spaces in England is 30 per cent below the recommended level.

“Refuge services are facing a number of issues in accepting referrals from women and children who desperately need their help, due to lack of space and a range of practical difficulties during the pandemic. This includes: residents self-isolating with symptoms; lack of PPE available to staff; staff sickness and staff absence; fears of the virus spreading when taking new referrals into communal accommodation.

“We know these issues are having a direct impact on the number of vacancies they can open up to new survivors. Our data shows a fall in the number of vacancies available in refuge services since lockdown measures were introduced. Based on weekly snapshots taken from our database, the average number of vacancies available in 10 weeks of lockdown was 92, compared with an average of 182 for the same period last year.”

*Jemima and Emily’s names have been changed to protect their identity

Anyone who requires help or support can contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline which is open 24/7 365 days per year on 0808 2000 247 or via their website www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/