Ronnie Wood gives his mate Bill a bigger bang

Born 10 months apart. Going on to lead lives of fame and wealth. Both forced by sensible wives to surrender their former excesses (for one, the booze and cocaine; for the other, interns). And a refusal to countenance putting their feet up. Strange that Ronnie Wood and Bill Clinton haven't hooked up before.

The Rolling Stones guitarist-turned-painter and the former president met two weeks ago, after the band played a 60th birthday charity gig for Clinton at New York's Beacon theatre.

Wood bent Clinton's ear to visit his art gallery in the city the following day. "They talked about art for an hour," says a female aide (calm yourself, Bill). "Ronnie gave him a surprise birthday present - his latest B-stage print from the band's Bigger Bang tour. Bill staggered out with this massive print in his hands."

Probably hoping Hillary wins the White House in two years so he's got somewhere to hang the thing.

Meyer and Hoon get set for an 'amiable exchange'

When Britain's former ambassador to Washington, Sir Christopher Meyer, published his memoirs last year, he invoked the sort of vitriol from London's political elite to which Kim Jong-il aspires.

DC Confidential deliciously detailed Meyer's adventures, revealing his orders from No 10 were to "get up the arse of the White House and stay there".

John Prescott was a "mastiff" who talked of war in the "Balklands". Other ministers were "political pygmies". And Blair once wore "a pair of ball-crushingly tight trousers" to meet George Bush.

One of the diplomat's victims was the former defence secretary, Geoff Hoon - depicted as so nervous of his American counterpart, Donald Rumsfeld, that their discussions on Iraq were "like getting pandas to mate". Meyer and Hoon have not since met. Wonderful news, then, that the two will finally cross paths on Friday on Radio 4's Any Questions.

"Ha ha! There's a classic diary piece brewing here, I can smell the contents of your saucepan!" cackles Sir Christopher, when I call to see if he's packing body armour. "I'm looking forward to a very amiable exchange."

Says Hoon's aide: "Geoff is very relaxed about it and was amused by the book."

As to whether Hoon has rung Rumsfeld to offer his condolences on the American's demise, the aide adds: "No. They disagreed at times but Donald Rumsfeld was always very straight with him." Who'd have thought!

No book for Rushdie's child

Zafar Rushdie has conceded: "I wasn't a great student. One of my English teachers joked about how he would never forget having to sit Salman Rushdie down at parents' evening and explain his son was crap at English literature." (The meeting was presumably not smoothed by the presence of the family's fatwa-busting security detail.)

Rushdie Jnr, 26, now writes for Tatler. It is perhaps for the best, however, that he rules out any grander literary endeavours.

"A story went around recently that I am writing a novel but, let me assure you, I could never do what my dad does," he tells me at Tatler's Little Black Book party on Thursday. "I'm not a novelist, I couldn't sit down for five years."

Zafar adds: "I haven't read any of my dad's books. It is a bit of a bone of contention."

Bottom gear

Sometimes it is better not to follow the lead of the fashion stylists. Take Isabella Blow at Arena magazine's 20th birthday party, for instance. The fashion director, 47, wore a sheer, see-through black dress, forcing fellow guests to admire (?) her taste in underwear.

"Those are French knickers," laughed Pandora's female companion. "Do you even know what French knickers are?" (No, I don't own any.)

"They're lacy with a Brazilian bottom. You get a view of half of each buttock. It's sexy, although on an older woman that could be disputed. But she actually has quite a nice bottom. I heard the photographers commenting on that."

News flash: momentary cessation of cattiness about another woman's outfit.

Dial 'M' for murderous thoughts

Start stockpiling rotten vegetables, and feel free to break into booing and hissing: we have a second nominee for Pandora's inaugural Spirit of Scrooge award. Step forward and wave to the baying crowd, the Rt Hon John Hutton, Secretary of State for Work and Pensions. A Derbyshire unemployed workers' group placed a request to find out how much they and others like them were paying in premiums for 0845 benefits hotlines. The answer: £168,000 of Hutton's departmental phone bills have been paid by some of Britain's poorest people.

Labour MP Harry Cohen decries this "money-making jamboree for BT fatcats" and says it is "incredible that the poor are paying the very department supposed to relieve their poverty". The DWP counters that it is "working towards poverty-proofing" its policies. Keir Hardie would be proud.