Heart Searching: Picking up the pieces: Bringing up a child alone? Gingerbread aims to offer one-parent families friendship, help and advice, says Cathy Aitchison

In a community centre in central London, the Holborn and Camden Gingerbread group were gathering for their Friday evening meeting. Some parents were chatting quietly, others getting their young toddlers ready for the creche, or calming the older children who were waiting to go to their tai chi class upstairs.

Running between the chairs was a young boy whose mother had only recently joined the group; not yet secure enough to join the other toddlers in the creche, he was slowly finding his feet, smiling at all the adults, until suddenly he lost sight of his mother and began to cry. Coming to a Gingerbread group for the first time can take courage for parents, as well as their children.

Sue Commons felt very shy when she first came to the group over 10 years ago. She had put off going for some years, although she had telephoned several times; when she finally plucked up the courage to go, she became involved straight away, literally by accident.

'The organiser asked me if I'd help make the tea, and while we were filling the urn it slipped out of our hands. All the rest of the group came down to help, and by the time we'd finished mopping up I knew them all.'

Each group has members who act as contacts for newcomers wanting to join. Sharon Hopkins is one of the contacts for the Holborn and Camden group: 'This time of year is terrible - I don't know if it's the winter or the weather - I think it's now that you realise how lonely you really are as a single parent.'

Gingerbread was founded in 1970 by a small group of lone parents who were dismayed by the lack of informal, short-term help available to people in their situation. It is now a national self-help association for anyone bringing up a child on their own; it offers information, advice and support, and campaigns on behalf of all one-parent families. In England and Wales there are over 250 groups in 12 regions and there are also Gingerbread organisations in Scotland, Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland.

Fees are kept as low as possible (between pounds 6.50 and pounds 9 for a year's membership) and any lone parent is welcome to join, regardless of sex, race, age or disability. Gingerbread is currently encouraging its groups to think seriously about equal access - for example, choosing meeting places which are easily reached by disabled members. Most people's first contact with Gingerbread is by joining an existing group, although both members and non-members are encouraged to set up new groups where there is a need for them; in 1992 just under 30 new groups were formed.

As well as a regular meeting, many of the groups organise trips and events which parents and children can enjoy together, especially at weekends and holidays, when people feel the absence of a partner even more keenly. By doing things as a group, the costs can also be shared. Some groups have also set up family service projects, such as advice centres, helplines or skills centres.

The Walsall group in the West Midlands has been going for 20 years and has around 70 members. Graham Rowlett initially joined to give his young son some friends and somewhere to go out. Soon afterwards, he became a member of the committee and for the past two years has organised social events, including a summer playscheme and holidays away.

Margaret Hill joined the Walsall group seven years ago, after her marriage had ended and she was left with three young boys: 'I felt very inadequate because my relationship had failed - and very frightened, wondering how I was going to face the future. I had no money, I felt I couldn't do anything, and it was all my fault.'

At Gingerbread, she met people in a similar situation to herself, who were slightly further down the road to recovery. She was drawn in to the group and was soon helping others. 'You get involved in speaking to and listening to other people who come. They know you've been there, you're not preaching, you're not putting people down.' She has just stepped down after two years as national chairman.

Gingerbread's self-help structure plays an important part in helping members rebuild their self-esteem. 'At first, you go through a period of depression,' says Linda Beck, the current chairman, who joined the Swindon group six years ago.

'When people are fairly new in the role (of lone parent), they're feeling very bruised, very wounded - it's a trauma, whether because of bereavement, divorce or separation and they're being kicked in the teeth by authority because they've suddenly become lower than the low.'

Christmas is a time when Gingerbread's support is much in demand: 'The first Christmas alone is very traumatic for a lot of people,' says Ms Hill, who holds a group Christmas at her house for anything up to seven families. 'We put a brave face on it for the sake of the children - although there might be people in the kitchen hugging each other because they are feeling so down.

'When you get divorced you tend to lose your in-laws, and Gingerbread replaces that,' she adds. Alex Berry, who belongs to the Holborn and Camden group, found that he also lost many of his married friends: 'Suddenly they don't want to know you, because I think it's a threat to them, but when you come to something like this, everyone's equal and knows what you're going through.'

Many of the members descibe Gingerbread as an extended family: the groups become close-knit communities, with the other adults acting as surrogate grandparents, aunts or uncles. 'Some of the people in the group have become good friends,' says Ms Beck. 'It's the same as in other organisations where you meet people and strike up friendships, but especially because we all share the struggle - and the joys - of raising children on our own.'

For details of Gingerbread groups, telephone: 071-240 0953 (England), 0792 648728 (Wales), 041-353 0989 (Scotland), 0232 231417 (Northern Ireland).

(Photograph omitted)