The curse and blessing that is the radio phone-in

The listeners love him and so do you - until your regular caller turns into a nightmare. LBC's Iain lee recalls the story of one man who entertained everyone so much he became the star of an Edinburgh show

It sounds like a contradiction but the most important element for a good radio phone-in talk show is the host. The person who decides to phone in (less than 1 per cent of the audience) is of secondary importance because you will always find a small band of regulars, callers who are loyal either to a specific presenter or to the station itself.

Some listeners love hearing the same people ring in time after time, considering them to be good friends or just a good laugh. Others think those same people should just get a life.

Very few regulars have universal appeal but one that did was a pensioner called Barry St Michael from Watford.

I can't remember exactly when Barry first called my Afternoon Wireless Show on LBC 97.3, but I can clearly recall thinking I had found someone I wanted to know more about. He was charming, amusing, and more than a little bit rude, in a funny old man sort of way.

I wasn't too sure how much slack I should cut him, and my hand was hovering over the dump button to cut him off as he was banging on about his Margaret's "Charlie" attracting slugs. It turned out he was talking about his wife's perfume, which he had found was a great way to get rid of unwanted garden pests. His laugh was terrifyingly wheezy and it was probably created by a lifetime of smoking Old Holborn, but he was lovely.

Barry would tell these involved anecdotes on such matters as his visit to the salad bar at his local Harvester. On another occasion, he invited me to come to his residential home and turn on the Christmas lights.

He would call up two or three times a week and if he went missing for a few days, listeners would ring in to ask if he was all right. Halfway through his calling up, Margaret left him. Then later, she came back.

Barry became a popular contributor to the show but then after nine months of calls, I had to ban him when he had told a story that was just a bit too risqué. He had crossed a line and had been unnecessarily rude to me. Barry had ideas above his station and thought he was more important than the show. That was his big mistake. I'd had enough and told him to not bother calling in again. That was my big mistake.

The lines went mental as supporters called in, denouncing me as the antichrist and vowing never to listen to LBC again. Over the next few weeks I received emails and letters threatening me with violence unless Barry was allowed back on the air. After six weeks of threats from listeners and Barry's idiot son Dave, I reconsidered my position and decided to let the old man come back on the show. We kissed and made up over the airwaves and Barry once again became part of the family.

That should have been it. But bizarrely this story has taken on a life of its own and, thanks to the actor and comedian Alex Lowe, a warped version of Barry's tale has been performed as part of this year's Edinburgh Fringe festival.

Alex is a resident of Watford and one day heard a familiar voice banging on behind him as he was getting boozed up in his local. He recognised the raspy sound as Barry and the two got chatting and soon became firm friends. Keen to come up with new shows and to exploit the elderly, Alex saw potential in Barry and asked his permission to take a show based on his phone-in experiences up to the Edinburgh Fringe.

Lowe had scored previous success at the festival with his one man plays The Wrestling, The Nation's Favourite and I Was Kenneth Branagh's Stand In, Honest Love. The new show, which would ultimately become Let's Talk to Barry, focuses on what makes someone spend so much of their life calling up a radio station. Particular attention is paid to what happens when that outlet is forcibly removed and they can no longer join in.

The play is a fictionalised account of what actually happened but real recordings of the phone calls are used and Lowe does a passable impression of Barry. The story has been changed slightly for dramatic effect and I don't come out of it particularly well. The misdemeanour that caused Mr St Michael to be denied access to the airwaves is glossed over and made to sound trivial. Apart from that, it is a fascinating insight into why someone would bother to pick up their phone to tell tens of thousands of strangers that their wife Margaret "has a massive chin" and to explain the reasons why she ran off with a Pakistani from the Halifax.

It's possibly the first time a caller to a station has had a play based on them, but may not be the last. As people in this country realise talk radio is the way forward, it can only be a matter of time before this rich minefield of characters is, well, mined and more "real" stories are used as inspiration for performances.

Iain Lee presents the Three and a Half Hour 3 Till 6.30 Afternoon Wireless Show on LBC 97.3