Book Review: What every parent should know... before their child goes to university, by Jane Bidder

How to avoid falling into the parent trap

So, hooray for this humorous A- Z of getting your child to university from Jane Bidder. She's performing a selfless service in allowing others to benefit from her mistakes, handily compiling most of the information you need in under 200 pages.

Bidder has reasoned that there are plenty of guides for students, but few (with the honourable exception of this supplement) for parents. What every parent should know... is therefore written with the empathy of the parent who's travelled up to Scotland with an extremely moody teenager in the back, and who's woken up in cold sweats for the first few weeks after he's left, overcome with irrational fears about whether he's made it back to his hall room safely after the fresher disco. So she can reassure us that the first two weeks are the worst, but that we may be surprised how well we adapt to absence. We still miss them but the pain gets bearable.

Starting long before you might think (for instance, it is true that visiting universities as soon after GCSEs as possible might be advisable, though this is probably a little optimistic for most), the book advises on choosing courses and locations, applying, working your way through results and offers, packing, settling in, and important financial and health matters.

This is invaluable even for organised parents because it can be difficult, administratively speaking, to keep up in these busy years. For instance, as far as the authorities are concerned, they'll be registered with the NHS as a university patient. They'll have to sign a form to confirm they are temporary patients when visiting GPs at home in the holidays. Their notes won't be with the family GP any more, but at university. That's tricky if they're not around and have asked you to sort out things like vaccination dates, because the university medical centre doesn't have to give you vital information as your child is over 18 and you might be snooping into other medical matters (heaven forbid).

Some of the most helpful tips are to do with safety, like teaching your child how to put out a microwave fire (press the stop button, leave the door closed, unplug it, open the windows to let out the smoke that will come out of the back vent, and close the door to the rest of the house); installing a window alarm if they are staying on the ground floor, or a very small rape alarm. Some deal with practical matters like insurance - does the hall insurance cover your child's possessions?

Some tips deal with practicalities - laptops are handy but easier to steal, larger computers are easier to work on but a pain to move. Before the end of term, remind your offspring to go to the supermarket to get cardboard boxes for packing.

Some of my favourites hints are on how to tread that fine line between being a fussy parent and one who helpfully keeps in touch at the right sort of distance. These range from ringing every day (don't, especially at the beginning); to setting up a weblog where you can chat informally, to writing old-fashioned letters now and again. There's something comforting about a message that can't be deleted. Food parcels go down well, too.

My favourite tip, though, is one passed on to Bidder by another parent whose daughter was thrilled to find herself, on that awkward first day of term, invited to a neighbour's room to share a large chocolate cake. Everyone else in the corridor was also invited to pile on the calories and get to know the others. Now that's forethought.

I came away from the book feeling like I had the whole British university thing sussed. I mentioned this to my own teenager, shortly to arrive at Ucas form filling-in time herself. "But Mum," she said a little impatiently, "you know I really want to go to university in America..."