Word Of Mouth

In students' interest

If there are still any narrow-minded Sassenachs who claim Scots to be mean, I can disclose a remarkable piece of north-of-the-Border generosity. The introduction of a new payroll system at the University of Edinburgh (pictured) more or less coincided with the 1998 academic salary settlement and resulted in a certain amount of back pay being held up. The interest accrued should, of course, have gone to the academics concerned. So imagine the surprise - and delight - of the university's principal, Professor Sir Stewart Sutherland, when he received a letter from Dr Douglas Brodie, secretary of the Edinburgh Association of University Teachers, to say that "it was the view of the AUT annual general meeting that the money saved (pounds 1,306) be paid to the Student Hardship Fund".

A fine gesture, and one that should be noted and emulated elsewhere. How many local authorities are late in paying out student grants? And what happens to the interest thus accumulated?

Castle sacked again

Last week's conference of the European Universities Public Relations and Information Officers, a helluva mouthful best known as Euprio, was memorable. It was held at Heidelberg University, Germany's oldest. The occasion was marked by a gargantuan banquet at the city's medieval castle and a cruise last Saturday night along the river Neckar, complete with sensational fireworks that re-enacted the razing of the castle on 6 September 1693. As for the conference, attended by 250 delegates from universities throughout Europe, it ran as smoothly as the river, with contributions ranging from the running of a university shop complete with logo-labelled tee-shirts, mugs and wines, to the creation of a global expert network, which puts hacks like me in contact with academics.

For richer, for poorer

German students and academics are up in arms because they consider themselves hard done by financially. True, a student who fails to complete his or her degree within five years will be charged DM 1,000 (pounds 350) for every year's repeat. There are no tuition fees for the first five years. Our lot, of course, have had a pounds 1,000 tuition levy imposed on them from this month - and that will be repeated for each of the three to four years it takes to complete a degree course. As for German universities, some are decidedly worse off than others. They are financed by the country's 16 federal states (Lander) so a university such as Heidelberg, in comparatively rich Baden-Wurttemberg, gets a cool annual pounds 13,000 per student, whereas a university in less prosperous North Rhine-Westphalia cashes in only pounds 6,000 a head. What is the price tag on our students? The average per capita works out at pounds 4,000.

King of medics

Remember all the fun we had a few months ago regarding the merger of those saintly hospitals and King's College, University of London? We even ran a competition to pick a new name for the merger of the college with Guy's and St Thomas's Hospital Medical and Dental Schools. Hospital of the Three Apostrophes was one suggested title. Our winning entry was the Princess of Wales Memorial Hospital. At last the merger was finalised and the name chosen. And what was it? Why, Guy's, King's and St Thomas's Schools of Medicine and Dentistry, complete with all the apostrophes. It's a juicy tongue-twister which only academics could have conceived. Still, the consortium will have a spending power of pounds 250m a year, and will employ more than 5,000 staff.

Five-year V-C

Even vice-chancellors are being appointed on short-term contracts. Alasdair Smith, the new man at the University of Sussex, has become its sixth vice- chancellor - but for an initial five years only, "renewable at the Council's discretion". Professor Smith has been at Sussex for 17 years, as dean of the School of European Studies and professor of economics. Smith is just 49 and has an international reputation as an expert on the effect of international trade on national welfare and on the distribution of income. A high-powered firm of head-hunters sifted more than 100 possibles. So you'd think that Professor Smith might have been given a permanent appointment. But tenure has more or less become obsolete.

And finally...

Where does Wye College, London University's agricultural college, dig up all those goodies? Its single-sheet newsletter, Wye Week, invariably has the most hilarious tailpieces. I have already filched a number in the past with thanks. Here are a few more, all from the Journal of Court Reporting:

"On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it had completely disappeared."

"The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983."

"She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December."

"The patient left hospital feeling much better, except for her original complaints."