Dear Dr Dawson-Ffitch

Private schooling makes no difference to class or job prospects, according to a recent report. A parent is disappointed

I'm writing to withdraw the name of our son, Cosmo, from your waiting list. I know this will come as something of a shock to you, as we have always been so committed to your school: we were among the first to take advantage of your scheme allowing putative parents to put down their offspring's name on conception.

You may remember my husband Rupert writing to you at the time, saying all he wanted was for his son to benefit from the same kind of robust approach to discipline which had helped to turn him into the kind of man he is today. If not, perhaps you'll recall the cheque he enclosed with the letter, which he thought might be of some assistance towards the new school golf-course.

Anyway, it is a decision we take reluctantly. We are both aware of Hargreave Hall's reputation in coaching boys through the Common Entrance exam (I understand these days some of your boys even manage to learn how to read and write) and that last year the school won the South Eastern Counties Inter-Prep Boy-Basting Cup with a record-breaking snerd by Jessop of Hop Quad.

But our change of heart came about when we read a report in the newspaper which claims that, well, it really doesn't matter what school you go to. Apparently, research at the University of Sussex shows that private schooling has little or no effect on people's eventual class or job prospects. Normally, we would take no notice of sandal-wearing researchers from the advanced knitwear department of the new universities, but this one was government sponsored. Presumably, members of the Government were anxious to discover the effectiveness of the private schools to which they send their own children.

All this would have been fine, were it not for the report's real bombshell: apparently, it is ability that counts.

"The evidence indicates recruitment into the middle classes is much more meritocratic than generally believed," says Professor Peter Saunders, author of the report. He reckons ability is five times as important as where you are educated in determining where you end up in the social pile.

Well, I suppose we'd always known that entry into some of the newer professions - surfing the Internet, for instance - was less dependent on old school connections than on a suspicion of personal hygiene. But suddenly to be told that Cosmo's chances of entering a proper job - such as following his father into the City - are less to do with the cut of his old boy's tie than what's going on upstairs, well, that set alarm bells ringing.

So what we've decided to do is send him to the local primary (yes, we know there will be working-class people there) and use the money we would have spent on schooling getting him coached in skills that might help him find a career in a sector where academic ability is, if anything, a hindrance.

So next week he's starting lessons in profanities, how to wear ill-matched primary colours, and to mumble in a regional accent. That way he might well land a job as programme controller of a fledgling cable television company.