Are you catching holiday blues instead of cheer? Here are some ways to find peace
Experts say that the holidays can put a strain on your mental health
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Your support makes all the difference.Bells are ringing. Snow is glistening. But you’re bummed out.
You could be suffering from a case of the holiday blues, which experts say is not uncommon.
A strained relationship with family, for example, can make this time of year pretty lonely. The holidays are expensive, and financial woes can cause major stress. Anxiety about holiday anything can fuel depression and worsen existing mental health concerns.
“A lot of people at certain years can find the holidays to be more challenging than they have experienced in past years,” said Shilagh Mirgain, a psychologist at UW Health in Madison, Wisconsin. “It’s important to recognize the common humanity that others, too, are struggling.
"You’re not alone.”
Here’s what experts say you can do to make your holiday season a little more bearable, if not cheery.
If family time isn't super fun, set boundaries
Spending an extended amount of time with family is hard to avoid around the holidays, Mirgain said, but there are ways to make it a little easier.
“Certainly this year, I think with the recent election, there’s a lot of divisiveness and discord, and you’re probably having to interact with family members that have really opposing beliefs,” she said. “That can bring up strong emotions.”
Think about the boundaries you want to set: What kind of contact do you want to have with your family and how long are you prepared to be around them?
It’s also important to give yourself permission to exit the event — and have some strategies in place, she said. For example, if you need some space, go on a walk or run some errands.
And if stressful conversations come up, have some language ready to go to draw your boundaries quickly and firmly.
“You could say, ‘Gosh, thanks for asking, but I don’t talk politics over the holidays,’” Mirgain suggested.
If you have grief or are lonely, connect with others
The holidays can be difficult for people who are grieving or don’t have anyone nearby with whom to celebrate.
“Loneliness and isolation can feel exacerbated during the holiday season when you look around and it seems like everyone’s getting together and you don’t have plans, or you’re not looking forward to your plans,” Mirgain said.
Find ways to connect with people if that’s something you’re craving, like scheduling calls with people across the country or volunteering in your community.
“There’s so much opportunity to give back during this time, and I think generosity is one of the best things we can do for our own well-being,” she said.
And if you’re grieving the death of someone close to you, the holidays can be the perfect time to reflect on that person's legacy, said Dr. Ellen Lee, a geriatric psychiatrist at UC San Diego Health.
"Try to honor that person by visiting their grave site or doing something they really loved to do, and then find people to share those memories with,” Lee said. She also advises people not to tamp down feelings but let yourself grieve.
If money is making you anxious, reach out
Gifts, dinners, decorations — it’s all a lot to keep track of around this time of year, and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Those extra expenses and get-togethers can put more stress on your mental health.
For milder symptoms of depression, anxiety or mood issues, lean on tried-and-true methods of self-care, experts said, such as spending time doing something you love or watching a movie.
But it's important to reach out for help if you start to feel mounting financial anxiety or intensifying symptoms that impair your ability to function. Early intervention can keep them from intensifying, Mirgain said, adding that if you have suicidal thoughts, reach out to your provider. You can also call or text 988 or chat at 988Lifeline.org.
If you are overwhelmed, set realistic expectations
Remember, your holidays don’t have to be a Hallmark movie. Give yourself permission to do it differently this year, Lee said.
“We have so many goals, so many targets,” she said. “Getting all the gifts, decorating the house perfectly … sometimes it’s helpful to sort of focus on the most important part of it.”
That can look different depending on who you are: The most important part may be spending time with people you don’t get to see often, or having a nice meal with your favorite foods.
Lee emphasized that it is fine to have a low-key celebration.
“I ask people, ‘What’s the best part of the holiday?’" she said, "It’s not usually about the decorations or all these extra things that we all spend a lot of time worrying about.”
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