Motoring: My Worst Car - I hated my Granny
PAUL ROSEBY'S FORD GRANADA
Your support helps us to tell the story
From reproductive rights to climate change to Big Tech, The Independent is on the ground when the story is developing. Whether it's investigating the financials of Elon Musk's pro-Trump PAC or producing our latest documentary, 'The A Word', which shines a light on the American women fighting for reproductive rights, we know how important it is to parse out the facts from the messaging.
At such a critical moment in US history, we need reporters on the ground. Your donation allows us to keep sending journalists to speak to both sides of the story.
The Independent is trusted by Americans across the entire political spectrum. And unlike many other quality news outlets, we choose not to lock Americans out of our reporting and analysis with paywalls. We believe quality journalism should be available to everyone, paid for by those who can afford it.
Your support makes all the difference.THERE REALLY is only one truly bad car and that is the Ford Granada. It is as low as a Second World War bunker and as creaky as an old museum. It is ugly and makes you feel sick. I should know because my mum and dad had one and the interior was sticky Dralon, like a naff old sofa. Our upholstery was extra sticky because I was often sick in the back. I get seasick in the bath, and the way that Granada would wallow and float about on its soft suspension made me feel really dreadful.
Since then, I have made a point of avoiding old Ford Grannies. Until, that is, I did some work for The Really Useful Show on BBC1, which brought together the two things I probably hate the most in the whole world - a Ford Granada and a caravan.
I don't really see the point of strapping a small house to the back of your car. However, the idea of the programme was to sort out people's problems and this problem involved reversing a caravan into a viewer's drive.
I turned up for filming that day, there was a parking expert on hand and then the producer dropped the bombshell. "Paul," he asked gently, "would you mind reversing the caravan?"
Well, I'm a professional and said yes straight away, despite there being a small technical difficulty: I can't drive.
The truth is that I prefer to be driven and have never got around to actually learning. I reasoned that, as I'm an actor, surely I could pretend to drive.
The only problem was that the car involved was a nasty old Granada. It had that same soft sticky Dralon seating, and someone had to find a cushion so that I could see out. I think some of the crew suspected that I was a novice at this driving game, especially after I had stalled a couple of times, then confused my left and right.
It was all very dicey, because this drive was on a slope with a six-foot drop on one side into a neighbour's garden and a rockery on the other. I was actually quite cool about the whole thing and reckoned that all I would damage would be a crummy old caravan and possibly a crummy old car.
That probably explains why I did the whole manoeuvre in one take. It was a complete fluke, of course, and proves that you don't need to pass your test, but it might just help to have a film crew on hand and to be driving a car that you really hate.
Actor and presenter Paul Roseby currently presents `Style Street' on the TV channel UK Style, weekdays at 2pm and 8.30pm. He was speaking to James Ruppert
Join our commenting forum
Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies
Comments