This is how many close friends most women need, survey suggests
More than nine in 10 women wish they could spend more time with friends
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Your support makes all the difference.Most women need just three close friends, new research suggests.
A survey of almost 5,000 women, carried out by social network Peanut, found that 76 per cent of participants have fewer close friends than a year ago.
More than half (52 per cent) said they consider three people “close friends”, while 53 per cent said this is the perfect number of friends.
Of those who have lost friends in the past year, 65 per cent said their relationships became strained because of work commitments.
Around a third (33 per cent) said their friendships suffered because of physical distance, 27 per cent said it was due to childcare responsibilities, while 17 per cent said they had prioritised spending time with family over friends.
An overwhelming majority (94 per cent) expressed that they wished to see their friends more.
Worryingly, seven per cent of women said they did not have any one they would consider a close friend.
Robin Dunbar, a professor of evolutionary psychology at the University of Oxford and founder of Dunbar’s number – the number of social relationships a person can maintain – says the survey results correlate with his research on close friends.
Dunbar found that most people have an “inner circle” of five people, made up of two-to-three close friends and family members.
He said this limit exists due to the Maintenace that our relationships require. “These five people consume 40 per cent of your entire social capital, whether measured as available social time or emotional capital),” Dunbar told The Independent.
“We give these five an average of nearly 30 minutes a day of our focused time.”
In 2005, an Australian study based on information on more than 300,000 people found that survival rate increased by 50 per cent in people with stronger friendships.
On the benefit of maintaining close friendships, Dunbar pointed to evidence that friendships significantly improve mental and physical health, and life expectancy.
“We have shown, for a very large study across a dozen European countries, that your future risk of symptoms of depression is minimised if you have five close social contacts,” Dunbar said.
“The effect is stronger than anything else your friendly neighbourhood GP worries about on your behalf except smoking (diet, exercise, alcohol, local air quality, the medicines you’re on).”
For women who are struggling to maintain close friendships or feel they have become distanced from their friends in the past year due to family or work commitments, Kate Leaver, a friendship expert at Peanut, recommends taking “small steps” to stay in touch.
“Get used to reaching out to people. Start small, but do start: whether it’s by WhatsApping an old mate for a walk in the park, sending memes during the 3am breastfeed, or swapping survival tips with other women on an app like Peanut,” Leaver said. “Little moments of connection can go a long way.”
For friendship groups who are going through life changes, or are at different stages in their lives, Leaver said it is important to “manage your expectations”.
“It doesn’t have to be all long boozy lunches, extravagant group brunches, and deep, heartfelt conversations,” Leaver said.
“Do what you can, as often as you can: send an ‘I’m thinking of you’ text, share a stupid celebrity gossip story you think they’d like, ask them to rank their favourite Taylor Swift songs.
“Small reminders that you care, and you know them, and you’re still there, are so powerful in maintaining friendship.”
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