Woman sparks debate for refusing to be a bridesmaid in future sister-in-law’s wedding

‘She also shouldn’t have snapped at you and should’ve accepted your choice like an adult,’ one person replied on Reddit

A woman has sparked a debate after she refused to be a bridesmaid in her soon-to-be sister-in-law’s wedding.

In a recent post in the popular “Am I the A**hole?” Reddit forum, Reddit user u/notyourbridesmaid, asked if she was in the wrong for saying no to being in the bride’s wedding party. After praising the bride Kim’s relationship with Tom, who is the original poster’s older brother, the woman also confessed that she isn’t close friends with this bride-to-be.

“I’ve always found Kim a little excitable for my taste, but I’m well aware my taste is irrelevant, and I don’t see Kim that often, as I’m a mom to a young child and I live abroad half the year,” she wrote.

She noted that when she got home, she was surprised to see a package from Kim, in which the bride asked the Reddit user to be one of her bridesmaids. The women then explained why she wanted to say no to this request.

“I planned to give her a call within a couple of days to let her know I wouldn’t be able to do it, citing a busy schedule and the demands of a toddler,” she wrote, before adding that her husband had a medical emergency on the day that she was going to contact Kim. “It slipped my mind until I was on my way to Tom and Kim’s engagement cocktail party at my parents’ house.”

The woman explained that while she didn’t plan on saying anything at the engagement party, Kim still pulled her aside and introduced her to the other bridesmaids. Following this introduction, which she claimed “cemented [her] decision” about not being in the wedding, she noted that she told Kim about her choice privately. According to the original poster, the bride-to-be was upset about the news and started “to argue”.

“She snapped, asking why, at which point I calmly told her that while I don’t have to explain myself and didn’t appreciate her not respecting my answer, I didn’t have time to take part in the activities or dedicate any time to planning or helping her,” she continued.

She added: “Kim tried to argue it with me, which drew the attention of some of her friends, so they were now listening in, and I again explained to her that I couldn’t do it. Kim then snapped that that’s just an excuse.”

She also claimed that Kim told her that she “can make time for things” that she wanted to do, referring to how the OP planned and hosted a wedding for her husband’s employee last year.

From there, the woman said that she told Kim that they were “not friends”, causing Kim to start “bawling”. She alleged that Kim’s “intoxicated friends started swearing” at her. While she noted that her peers have had mixed reactions to this incident, the woman also expressed that her brother still wants her to be in the wedding.

AITA for saying no to being my FSIL's bridesmaid?
by u/notyourbridesmaid in AmItheAsshole

“Tom still wants me to change my mind because he says it would make his life easier but says he won’t hold it against me for not taking on the burden, and his opinion is obviously the most important here,” she wrote. “It’s not that I am holding out just to make his life complicated, I just really don’t feel that I can do this and even if I could, I really don’t want to.”

The woman later shared an edit to the post, noting that she said no to being a bridesmaid one week after receiving the box. She further explained how she was looking after her husband during that week.

“I got home on Sunday night, received the package. Monday morning, my husband was taken to hospital,” she wrote. “I forgot everything that happened before that moment for the next five days, including being asked to be a bridesmaid.”

She noted that when she made her way to the engagement party on Saturday that’s when she remembered the box, adding that she “didn’t deliberately wait until the party to tell Kim”.

The Reddit post has quickly gone viral, with more than 5,700 upvotes. In the comments, many people also had mixed responses, as they criticised both Kim and the Reddit user for how they behaved in this situation.

“It probably should’ve been a priority to tell her as soon as you received the proposal and saying ‘you’re not my friend’ was pretty rude if she hasn’t done anything wrong to you,” one wrote. “She also shouldn’t have snapped at you and should’ve accepted your choice like an adult when you told her, though.”

“All you had to say was: ‘While I’m honoured that you asked, it is not something I will be able to do.’ But instead, you got on your high horse with the ‘I don’t have to explain myself to you’ remark. And the ‘you and I aren’t friends’ was just plain mean,” another wrote. “Kim is also [the a**hole]  because she wouldn’t accept you declining and sent her flying monkeys to harass you.”

Others suggested that Kim could have handled this interaction better and been a bit more understanding, since OP’s husband was sick. “I mean, her husband went to the hospital the very next day-I think it makes total sense that pretty much anything else would be the furthest thing from her mind at that point, especially because her comments suggest it was pretty serious,” one wrote.

However, some Reddit users criticised the Reddit user for saying no to being a bridesmaid while at this event. “She should’ve phoned Kim BEFORE the engagement party,” one wrote. “Yes life throws you curveballs but that doesn’t mean you can’t find five minutes to call and let her know you have to decline.”

Earlier this month, another woman went viral for her response to her bridesmaid and friend, Anna, after she refused to wear the chosen dress colour for the wedding day. The bride explained that while her wedding was “oceaned-themed”, Anna’s mother, who passed away a year ago, always loved the colour purple, so the bridesmaid asked if she could wear a purple dress to the wedding instead.

The bride noted that while she understood what Anna was going through, she kindly told her to stay “on theme”.  However, Anna arrived at the wedding wearing a purple dress, prompting the bride to tell her that she either had to change her outfit or leave the wedding entirely. According to the bride, Anna then “broke out in a screaming match”, before she was escorted out of the event.

On Reddit, many people responded to this incident by praising the bride and claiming that she was in the right for kicking her friend out of her wedding.