Groom asks wedding band to leave mid-reception after discovering singer is his ex

‘The incident needlessly disrupted your wedding reception and certainly placed a stain on the day that will be hard for your wife to overlook,’ one person responds on Reddit

Groom asks wedding band to leave mid-reception after discovering singer is his ex (Getty Images/iStockphoto)

A groom has confessed that he asked the band to leave in the middle of his wedding reception when he learned the singer was his ex.

In a recent post shared to the popular “Am I The A**hole?” Reddit forum, a man opened up about his wedding, specifically recalling that when he got to the reception, he “recognized the singer from the band to be [his] ex-gf from high school.” He noted that while he spotted this ex during his first dance, he hadn’t spoken to her in more than 15 years.

He also confessed that he hasn’t spoken to his wife about his past relationships, explaining that all she knows is that he’s had three exes. However, the groom still thought it was jarring to see his ex at his wedding, prompting him to question his wife about the band.

“During the dance, I couldn’t help but only focus on the fact that she was up there on the stage. I know my wife was the one in charge of the music for the day,” he explained. “She never told me what she booked, nor I ever asked about what it was. I asked her what made her choose that band. She said she went through an entertainment agency and saw the ex’s portfolio, which was good and within budget, so she booked it.”

According to the groom, he told his bride that the singer was his ex from high school and he was “not comfortable with her performing.” Although she thought this was “an odd coincidence,” she still questioned her partner and asked why the band was an issue, since he dated the singer so long ago. Although his wife encouraged him “not to make a big deal” out of the situation, since the band was “doing a good job,” the groom still felt “weirded out” and wanted to speak to his ex.

From there, he expressed that his ex recognized him and remained “very professional.” However, he still didn’t want her at the event.

“She said she didn’t know it was going to be my wedding and only knew when she got into the venue for prep and saw some other mutual friends. I told her to finish up in the next 30 minutes and to leave. She looked shocked and so did her band members,” he added. “I reassured them it’s not because of the performance.”

Although one band member told the groom that he wouldn’t get any money back, since “this is a change of mind on the day” of the wedding, he said he would not be requesting a refund from the group.

He added that when he told his wife what happened, she was “livid,” as she went on to ask him questions about his ex. He then offered to replace the band with a DJ.

“[She] kept asking me why it’s such a big deal because of an ex and asked me if I still had feelings for her. I said no, that’s absurd, but I felt uncomfortable that I was reminded of my past relationship at the worst possible time,” he continued. “She told me I was wasting her money. I told her we could get another DJ that we can get on the spot with the help of the venue which I would fully pay for.”

The bride claimed that the DJ would “be another waste of money,” before telling her husband that his “feelings are too fragile that [he] can’t see the bigger picture.”

However, when the band left, the groom went to the wedding venue manager and got a DJ, who “did a good job” at the wedding. He noted that while all his “guests seemed to have a good time” and did not notice that he changed the band to a DJ, his wife was “not enjoying” the reception at all.

AITA for sending our wedding band home mid-party when I found out my ex is one of the members?
byu/No_Blackberry8394 inAmItheAsshole

He concluded that he and his wife ended their wedding night on a bad note, acknowledging that she “went straight to bed at the hotel” that evening.

In the comments, many people didn’t hesitate to criticize the groom, with claims that he shouldn’t have been concerned about his ex being at the wedding, especially when they haven’t spoken in over a decade. They also accused him of prioritizing his needs over his wife’s on their wedding day.

“I wouldn’t marry someone as fragile as you,” one wrote. “And you ruined your wife’s wedding day. You were pretty selfish only thinking of yourself. Trust me, you will hear about this for years (and you should). My condolences to your poor wife.”

“You ruined your new wife’s night over an ex from high school. You ruined the band performance and unilaterally decided that your brand-new wife should just deal with a lesser musical option because you couldn’t handle a non-issue,” another wrote.

“Kicking out a perfectly good band because you can’t handle being in the same room as an ex you dated 15 YEARS AGO when you were in HIGH SCHOOL is incredibly immature and insecure. The incident needlessly disrupted your wedding reception and certainly placed a stain on the day that will be hard for your wife to overlook,” a third wrote.

Many people also questioned how involved the groom was in the wedding planning since he didn’t know the band, and encouraged him to address the situation with his new wife.

“If you had taken a more active role in planning your own wedding, you would have been aware of the band your partner wanted. Instead, your lack of consideration and involvement led to a memorable disappointment for your wife,” one wrote.

“For the sake of your marriage, you need to figure out why you couldn’t handle this situation. Why were you so uncomfortable that you couldn’t finish the reception without making this major change? Why after 15 years and you just committing to your wife is this high school ex such an issue?” another wrote.