Woman questions whether she is wrong to refuse stepdaughter’s request to wear late daughter’s wedding dress

‘She’s not trying to get close, she’s trying to get a free dress’

Woman reveals stepdaughter asked her to wear late daughter’s wedding dress (Getty Images/iStockphoto)

A woman has questioned whether she was wrong to refuse her stepdaughter’s request to wear her late daughter’s wedding gown after it sparked a family-wide argument.

In a post shared to Reddit’s AITA [Am I the A**hole] subreddit, the 49-year-old woman, who posted under the username @67099107, revealed that her daughter Lauren passed away from sepsis at the age of 26, the same month that she was supposed to get married.

According to the woman, her daughter’s death was “so sudden” and the family still doesn’t know “what went wrong”. “We were devastated to say the least,” she said, adding that she kept what would have been her late daughter’s wedding dress, as they had purchased it together and “she put a lot of touches on it [and] worked hard on it”.

“Although it hurts to look at it, I make sure it’s safe,” she said.

In the post, the woman, who said she is still grieving the loss of her daughter, then explained that she has since gotten married herself recently, to a man who has a daughter named Zoey.

“I met my stepdaughter Zoey two and a half years ago. I married her father less than five months ago. It was a small and private celebration since that’s what we felt was the best thing to do since I’m still grieving,” the Reddit user wrote.

While she has known her 23-year-old stepdaughter for nearly three years now, the woman said that they are “not very close,” partly because of distance. “But we’re very respectful towards each other,” she said.

However, according to the woman, an issue recently arose in the family after her stepdaughter, who is soon getting married, asked if she could wear what would have been Lauren’s wedding dress.

“The issue started when Zoey visited to talk about her wedding in April. We were talking about wedding dresses and she suddenly brought up Lauren’s wedding dress. I asked her what about it and she said she saw it several times and it got stuck on her mind. Asked if she could see it and I let her,” the post reads. “She then said she’d like to wear it at her wedding.”

In addition to asking for the dress, Zoey also reportedly told her stepmother that she planned to make a few changes to the gown so that it would “fit her size and style”.

In the post, the woman said that the request left her feeling “uneasy,” and that she told her stepdaughter it wasn’t a “good idea”. “I told her I was sorry but I can’t let her have it,” she wrote, adding that her stepdaughter then offered her money for the wedding gown, but she declined because of the sentimental value of the dress.

According to the woman, her refusal to allow her stepdaughter to wear her late daughter’s wedding dress sparked an argument, as she wrote that the 23 year old said she was “making things complicated” and claimed that it would be alright for her to wear the dress because “she too is my daughter”.

“She asked if I don’t love her as much,” to which the woman reportedly replied that her “love for her is different,” at which point the Reddit user said her stepdaughter “threw a fit calling me unfair and unreasonable to say no”.

The woman said the conflict escalated when her husband, her stepdaughter’s father, got involved, as he also said he couldn’t see why she would be against giving her daughter’s wedding dress away.

“I declined to discuss it anymore but they kept bringing it up [and] asking if my daughter would’ve wanted someone else to have the opportunity to wear this dress since she unfortunately couldn’t,” the woman continued, adding that she eventually “lashed out at both of them”.

The Reddit user concluded the post noting that others have told her she had “no right” to respond the way she did or to leave the dress “in the closet when [her] stepdaughter could make good memories with it”.

“But she said she’s planning on changing its look,” she added.

The post, which has been upvoted more than 11,000 times, prompted hundreds of horrified users to weigh in to assure the OP [original poster] that it was understandable for her to decline her stepdaughter’s request, while others encouraged her to move the dress somewhere safe.

“That dress is no longer just a dress; it is a sacred memory of your daughter. You really need to put it elsewhere, though, because I wouldn’t put it past your husband or his daughter to take it when you aren’t around,” one person wrote, before urging the woman to tell her husband off for his actions. “I would also tell your husband that he needs to shut the f**k up and be grateful he will get to see his daughter get married and not have only a dress left to remind him of what should have been, that you would trade anything to have your daughter back, but since you can’t, you will hold on to every memory you have.

“I would also tell him if he ever goes up against you about anything regarding your daughter’s memory again, you will be filing for divorce within 24 hours afterward.”

Another person said: “Your stepdaughter is NOT entitled to your late daughter’s dress. Full stop.  You admitted that you and your stepdaughter don’t have a close relationship and the first thing she does is ask you to give her your late daughter’s dress?! Then she has the audacity to pull the ‘but I’m your daughter too’ BS. No is a complete sentence. I would advise moving the dress out of your home to somewhere safe where your stepdaughter will not have access. Sorry for your loss.”

Others criticised the “entitlement and insensitivity” of the woman’s stepdaughter, while some users suggested that she wanted the dress to save money. “It’s a keepsake. She is looking at it as a way to save money,” someone else wrote. “If her and her dad are still complaining about it, please, please put it somewhere where they don’t have access to it. They obviously think they are entitled for her to use it and I worry they may take it without your knowledge.”

In the comments, the woman also revealed that her husband had defended his daughter’s request on the basis that she is “just trying to get close to me and bond”.

“But the dress shouldn’t be involved in my relationship with Zoey,” she continued. “I don’t know why he refuses to see how unreasonable they are being. It’s exhausting and I can take any more guilt tripping.”

In addition to reassurances, the post prompted numerous offers from Reddit users to store the wedding dress for safekeeping.

“I’m in the Dallas-Fort Worth, Texas area and I would gladly store it in my house. I have a mostly empty closet and my house is well protected. OP, please get your daughter’s dress somewhere safe,” one person wrote, while another said: “Washington state here. I have a special section of my closet where I store important items. It would be an honour.”