Wedding planner breaks down how much guests should spend on wedding gifts

‘The couple getting married… shouldn’t have an expectation of your gift,’ Andre says

A wedding planner has divided viewers after explaining how much guests should spend on wedding gifts.

Los Angeles-based wedding planner Melissa Andre (@melissaandre) initially posted a TikTok video on 13 March 2023 that responded to a user’s question, asking: “I’m on my way to the wedding and I want to know, what are we giving nowadays?”

In the now-viral video, Andre got candid about her “potentially unpopular opinions” on wedding gifts and dispelled some of the myths and expectations revolving around wedding gift-giving. She began the video by saying: “The first thing you’re going to think about is your financial position, always. And the next thing is going to be how close you are to the couple.”

“So the average wedding gift in the US is around $100,” she continued. “But you’re gonna give whatever you can, because the couple getting married… shouldn’t have an expectation of your gift and they shouldn’t be making plans with the money that they haven’t even received yet.”

The wedding planner also took a stance on couples who try to get guests to pay for their honeymoon or reimburse them for wedding event costs like “covering their plate,” stressing that they should plan their big day within their means. She added: “You can have a beautiful wedding at any budget even if it’s, ‘join us for champagne and wedding cake in the garden following the ceremony.’”

Since she initially posted the video on TikTok, it has since received over 519,000 on the platform due to having recently gone viral this week. The renewed interest in her video reignited the ongoing debate surrounding wedding etiquette, with viewers from all over the platform sharing their two cents on Andre’s wedding gift-giving opinions in the comment section. Some noted that it was simply common courtesy to try to make their happy couple’s lives easier.

“Imagine trying to put the newlyweds in debt,” one viewer wrote, while another added: “The gift is to help the new couple with their new life.”

But other viewers said that guests shouldn’t be made to feel financially responsible for the wedding, they’re there to enjoy the festivities and celebrate the love of the newly married couple.

“If you expect your guests to reimburse you as their gift you prob can’t afford to get married,” someone commented. “You should not expect guests to fund your wedding… scale down, do it in your budget,” another said.

“Can you as the person getting married ask guests for monetary only instead of actual present? Whatever guests can pay!?” someone asked in the comment section, to which Andre replied: “I don’t agree with ever specifying you prefer monetary gifts. Although I see people do it.”

The “cover your plate” rule, according to The Knot, typically entails that guests choose wedding gifts that cost around the same as their attendance at the reception, but in recent years, the rule has come under fire as wedding event costs have skyrocketed and wedding meals have become borderline unaffordable.

When couples enforce a “cover your plate” policy or place lofty expectations on their guests, it can be inconsiderate. The outlet added that wedding gifts aren’t mandatory, they’re encouraged, and should more often than not be reflective of the relationship with the couple.