Can you manifest the love you deserve?

Manifesting can help you identify the kind of person you want to attract, Olivia Hebert writes

Hands holding open a love letter. (Getty Images)

There’s a fine line between being a hopeful and hopeless romantic, but that line becomes blurry when practicing manifestation comes into the picture.

Those who practice manifesting believe that they have the cosmic ability to attract whatever they desire through positive thinking and self-talk, visualisation, and symbolic actions. By believing their sheer willpower can change the will of the universe, they believe that they can get what they want - even love and romance.

Over the years, these ideas have resonated with internet users and gained traction on TikTok, frequently populating For You pages with ways to manifest what you want. From reciting affirmations like “I do not chase, I attract” in front of the mirror to writing your goals on a piece of paper and burning it with candle flames, manifestation can come in all sorts of forms.

Spiritual influencer Sarah Perl - who goes by Hot High Priestess on social media - frequently goes viral for her popular manifestation methods. Speaking to The Independent, she said that practicing manifesting can empower those who lack faith in themselves.

“You’re changing your inner dialogue, right?” she says. “Where focus goes, energy flows. So you want to make sure you’re constantly focusing on the good things about yourself.”

In her manifesting workshop, Perl says she’s helped clients attract the love they deserve by giving them the tools to build their self-esteem. Whether they’ve been ghosted, divorced, or cheated on, she notes that by engaging in the positive self-talk practiced in manifesting, her clients can channel what they truly want.

“Because they change their inner identity, they walk around differently,” she said. “They’re talking differently. They appear different. Their energy is different. They’re attracting new partners because they have this, and I think it’s really important to understand that when people have this confidence, this energy and aura that they exude, their standards are higher. They’re not settling for the same behaviour. They’re walking away from people that don’t serve them.”

Perl emphasises that applying the law of attraction is crucial to unlocking your potential and being able to find the love that you deserve. Touted as a tenet of manifestation, the law of attraction states that our thoughts and feelings define our reality. Essentially, you attract the energy you release into the world, and if you want to change the types of people you’re attracting, you have to change the way you think and feel about yourself.

“Start by thinking about who you want to attract,” Perl recommends. “But then also ask yourself who is the person this person would want to attract into their life and how can you create the perception that you are that person, that you are the dream girl or the dream guy.”

This isn’t the only method Perl espouses, with one of her most popular methods requiring manifesters to write a love letter to themself through the perspective of their prospective love interest. “You close your eyes, you get into that feeling state, pretend you are them now,” she says, noting that you can write about your future first date together or how beautiful you are in their eyes. At the end of the day, it’s all about imagining how they see you and hyping yourself up from their point of view. “I get DMs every single day from people that this works, and part of the reason why is because you're adopting that belief and that self-concept.”

The idea of self-concept suggests that the way you perceive the world around you is a direct reflection of the way you see yourself. By writing love letters through the eyes of others, Perl believes that you can improve the way you see yourself. She adds that by doing this, you can attract more positive energy into your life - including better romantic partners.

With methods like the love letter method, it’s encouraged to channel what you want into material experiences to affirm the belief that whatever you’re manifesting is already there.

Dr Lucas Dixon - who researches the social psychology of the “success” industry at the University of Queensland, Australia - explained to The Independent that manifestation relies on the idea that there is a higher power listening on the other side.

”Like a radio transmitter, a person’s thoughts and emotions transmit invisible yet powerful messages,” he says. “These messages are received by a higher power and these powers send back to the person material experiences that match the original thoughts and emotions. Thus, a person can harness this reciprocal process to deliberately manifest whatever they desire.”

Manifesters believe that if they transmit their desires through symbolic actions - like writing love letters - to a higher power, they will receive their desires materially in return.

While Dr Dixon does agree that manifestation can be helpful in the sense that it can push you to identify what you do and do not want in a partner, he argues that well-researched psychological methods such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) or interpersonal therapy can help unpack any negative patterns you have in your interpersonal relationships and also give you the tools to engage in positive self-talk. He encourages people to try going to a qualified psychologist or counsellor.

“Sure, it might not be as sexy or simple as a TikTok video,” he says. “But their advice is based on broader scientific evidence and not just based on their own experience of what works.”

The way you choose to go back to the drawing board and challenge negative thought processes may look different depending on what you’re more inclined to believe in, whether you have a spiritual or scientific bent. However, no matter which belief system you ascribe to, both encourage people to look inward and reflect.

By working on yourself, you can improve your chances of meeting and attracting someone who checks off several, if not all of your boxes. Challenging things that may be holding you back like negative self-talk or low self-worth, through manifestation or therapy, may ultimately lead to not only a healthier you but also attracting a partner that’s willing to put in the work to deserve you too.