The Intelligent Consumer: Fandango

ROURKE'S DRIFT

HAPPENED to be lunching at the wonderful Blakes Hotel last week. There I am stuffing my chops with the finest roast lamb when I realised that Mickey Rourke was seated at the next table. I couldn't take my eyes off him obviously - well would you? Anyway, there was rather a lot of to-ing and fro-ing going on: I suppose that's how it is when you're a bit of a celeb and rather sexy with it. Mickey then upped and left - me sitting there drooling, which is when I noticed that he was wearing a pair of checked pyjama bottoms. Poor lamb had forgotten to change into day wear.

BALL CONTROL

Well, World Cup fever is here, let's face it, there's no getting away from it as everybody is jumping on the bandwagon. Even though it's impossible to get a ticket. The FA has even endorsed Sainsbury's as the official England supermarket - whatever next! Sainsbury's, in return, has come up with a series of edible football-themed products to celebrate. Yes, you can get your teeth into fishy bites in the shape of a football shirt or snack on the England round sandwich, all packaged in traditional red, blue and white with the three lions logo. Shame they don't have chicken nuggets in the shape of Ian Wright, I'd buy the lot and take great pleasure in nibbling his legs knowing that I'm still entitled to my reward points. Still, if you don't want to eat your way to the WC and fancy something a little more deluxe, then Louis Vuitton has the answer. The limited edition monogrammed football at pounds 310 is a mere snip to gain designer cred on the pitch. Plus, it comes with its own leather holder, deceptively taking on the appearance of a bag, how fab yah! Available exclusively at Louis Vuitton stores.

THE LION KING

All this nonsense about the World Cup is boring me stiff already, so much so that I had to drag myself along to a party to celebrate the launch of the new football video game Three Lions. Well, if there's a free drink on offer it would be rude to refuse. After a little pushing and shoving to get in - probably didn't recognise me - we were treated to a live set from Ocean Colour Scene, which was nice, and before long I was boogie- ing the night away. That was until I spotted Mr Live and Kicking himself, Jamie Theakston, who, I must add, was rather charming, considering I gave him a few style tips and told him that wearing a bead on a piece of leather around your neck was a look that belonged to Take That in 1995.

HAIR-RAISING

Now I happen to be Robert Carlyle's number one fan and was overjoyed when he won Best Actor award at the BAFTAS for his performance in The Full Monty. However, I am rather concerned about the hair growth going on around his chops with that handlebar moustache nonsense. Robert, please tell me that it's for a particular role you are currently playing and not because you think it looks nice?

GOLD STANDARD

While I'm concerned about Robert, I am rather more worried about the rapid loss of my sun tan, that is I was until I received Guerlain's Terracotta tinted gel. A bargain at pounds 19.50. If you're after that subtle healthy glow and not that awful orangey look, like you've had too many sunbeds, then this is your answer. This gel comes in three shades, has UV sun filters, plus it moisturises while covering those little imperfections which most of us have, unless you're Helena Christensen that is. (Who, gorgeous as she is, always looks a tad too brown if you ask me.) Something else which is equally as fantastic, and just the ticket for those sticky days and steamy nights (or should that be the other way around?) is Guerlain's Odelys range of facial mists. Choose from a light floral or fruit zest spray. To soothe, comfort and refresh the face and neck. pounds 19.50.