Harry at 40 might miss Britain, but the uncomfortable truth is we may miss him more

A decade ago he launched his greatest project and was adored by his father and brother, but 10 years later things couldn’t be more different. While Harry insists he is growing into the man he wants to be, Tessa Dunlop argues that his family misses his presence whether they want to or not

In his 40 years, it’s safe to say that Harry has lived an incredible life, one hopes that a reunion with his family will figure somewhere in its future (Getty/iStock/PA)

Prince Harry will spend his fortieth birthday in the mountains, trekking and hanging with (new) Californian friends near his Montecito home. When it comes to the Sussexes the script has a knack of writing itself. Something along the lines of a prince on the “road less well travelled”, but no matter how far he walks, it appears “there ain’t no mountain high enough” to wriggle free of his royal burden.

Cliches aside, there’s a universal truth at play here. Families are hard to shed, harder still when, beyond the bind of DNA, they are baked into the essence of your professional being. On the eve of his landmark birthday, the duke has insisted he will stick with a life of service: ‘my mission is to continue showing up and doing good in the world.’ And he means it. His childhood training was a royal one, he knows no other way.

Scroll back ten years and you’ll find a young prince on the cusp of something special: hosting the launch of his very first Invictus Games in Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park. In front of a live audience, an anxious Harry garbled reassurances about ‘recovery’ and ‘new beginnings’.  He need not have worried. Full of good intent and adult ambition, Harry had the crowd on his side, ditto the future King. ‘Well done, darling boy’ reassured proud father Charles. His son was onto something, and everyone saw it, even the Prince, who relished the “wave of appreciation and gratitude. And joy.”

The Invictus Games often showcased just how close Charles and his son can be (PA)

In front of a 2 million-strong television audience, alchemist Harry had successfully melded the disarming qualities of his late mother with royalty’s powerful service platform. The effect was electric. The closing ceremony of those first Games coincided with his thirtieth birthday, when he “danced, sang and celebrated being alive.” Proof, if any were needed, that Harry was born to serve.

It’s the duke’s aptitude for service that’s the main stumbling block for those who remain on the other side of the Atlantic. Royal stalwarts huff and puff about Harry’s hypocrisy; how dare the duke steer his ship into the rocky waters of Nigeria and Columbia, when he complains Britain, minus security, is unsafe for his young family. (Alongside the service gene comes a heft of entitlement, another hallmark of royalty.)

But Harry’s princely expectations should not detract from his achievements: whether people like it or not, together with his savvy duchess, the Sussexes cut a dash in countries long resistant to Britain’s privileged royal brand. The then Cambridge’s 2022 Caribbean tour doesn’t bear comparison. The bitter note in Britain’s coverage of the Sussexes’ ‘DIY royal tours’ speaks for itself. Long may we wonder if Harry misses Britain, anything rather than invert the question and admit Britain misses Harry.

For those who long for a royal reconciliation, Harry’s relative success story in America explains its gaping absence. Today speculation is rife as to whether good wishes will be forthcoming for the Prince’s landmark birthday, but it will take more than an Instagram post to signal the recovery of an aggrieved rump royal family. Not only has Harry spoken his ill-advised truth on life within the firm, but he’s had no qualms about flaunting his capacity to “serve” outside the royal box. In his fifth decade that is unlikely to change. If the Windsors are hoping a mature Harry will find his quiet side, they’ll be sorely disappointed.

Always the more charismatic of the two, a new-age Harry, comfortable in his own skin, joshing with the kids in Colombia, is jarring for William. Even now, when a Cold War keeps the two siblings apart, the Prince of Wales finds himself inadvertently playing catch-up with little brother Harry. It was the duke who first defied royal rules to sport a stubbly beard, and long before Kate’s sumptuous, scripted recovery film, it was Harry and Meghan who produced heavily curated versions of their healing journeys.

Harry was his usual sociable self on him and Meghan’s recent trip to Colombia (Reuters)

The couple’s infuriating knack of identifying the zeitgeist and running with it, has kept Sussexes in the headlines, that’s why we tune into their effortless overseas spectacles and pour over the minutiae of their lives. When it comes to being royal - a toxic cocktail of privilege, service and celebrity – the Sussexes have nailed it. Back in Britain that hurts.

Royals, by definition, are not known for their humility, and William, Harry and Charles come from the same truculent male stable. It is impossible to imagine a meaningful olive branch anytime soon between the brothers. William has been supporting his sick wife whose recovery is slow. Why should he put his neck on the line for indiscreet Harry? Had the duke bombed out Stateside, the scenario might be very different. But as long as Harry makes a fist of his new life, upstaging the future King in corners of the world where the white man’s legacy remains contested, rapprochement will remain elusive.

That places the onus on Charles. Well may Harry ponder on what he’s left behind, as he wanders through arid Californian vistas this weekend. Soggy Balmoral has never been so far away. Ditto his ageing, ill father. Charles knows his reign is not for the long term and must now take the lead when it comes to mending father-son fences. It is one thing to feel threatened by a sibling, quite another by a child. That Charles does not like to be upstaged is yet another reason for him to make the first move. Wearing the mantle of kingship, as England’s Defender of the Faith, Charles can’t busk his reputation on man-hugs with rugby players and simultaneously leave a gaping wound at home. Time is of the essence.

Prince Harry described being a dad as one of ‘life’s greatest joys’ (Getty)

Just before his birthday celebrations began, a seasoned 40-year-old Harry professed to love fatherhood: “Being a dad is one of life’s greatest joys.” Apparently it has motivated him to be “more driven and committed to making this world a better place” (on his own terms).

But in Harry’s relationship with Charles, he’ll always be the child, and in his forties will continue to behave like one. In this royal equation, the King, as a parent, bears the brunt of responsibility. Ten years ago, Charles was proud of his ‘darling boy’. Today, he may wish him well, but he must dig deeper and find a vestige of that pride once more.

Redemption and forgiveness are powerful forces in our fractious world, likewise the embrace of difference. The King sits on the British throne, there is no greater stage in the United Kingdom. To reach out and reconnect with Harry, who has forged a different path with his birthright, would inadvertently win back some of the Duke’s fairy dust for Britain. But the King must make the first move. Harry has another forty years in front of him, and even William may be glad of the day when his brother is not constantly cast in opposition to the royal family.

Tessa Dunlop is the author of ‘Elizabeth and Philip, the story of young love, marriage and monarchy’ Headline Press, 2022