Daughter, 33, gives mother ‘anti-list’ of gifts she doesn’t want for Christmas
‘Honestly? I adore this idea,’ one Reddit user says
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A 33-year-old woman seriously upset her mother when she sent her an “anti-list” of gifts she wouldn’t accept this Christmas.
In Reddit’s “Am I The A**hole” confession forum, the grown adult admitted she wasn’t interested in handing her mom a list of items she didn’t need, considering she had “so much stuff” already. While she thought she was being financially responsible with her “anti-list” of Christmas presents, her mom wasn’t too pleased with her decision.
The Reddit user said that she wasn’t an easy person to get gifts for, and explained how it’s always better to ask her what she wants instead of guessing. She believes she’s “financially stable enough” to purchase anything she needs or wants herself – something her mom didn’t quite understand.
“That brings us to a recent issue with my mother,” the Reddit user wrote. “She asked a couple weeks ago for everyone in the family to start our Christmas lists so she can get started on her Christmas shopping (yeah, she starts very early).”
According to the Reddit user, her family puts their wish lists into a Google document so they can claim an item they want to purchase for someone else without crossover. “Like an informal registry,” she explained.
Initially, the Reddit user brainstormed gifts she wouldn’t mind receiving, such as sports game tickets, scented candles, and restaurant gift cards. But when thinking about what items she would want, all that she could come up with were items that she didn’t want, like festive socks. So, instead of listing the presents she wouldn’t mind to receive, she decide to list her off-limits Christmas gifts.
“I decided to include a list of things not to buy me, figuring that might be as helpful as a list of things I do want,” the woman explained. “On the list I put things like ‘fun’ socks, funko pops, anything I have to assemble aka ‘Merry Christmas, I got you a chore you have to do now,’ throw blankets, jewelry, throw pillows, decorations, etc.”
She continued: “I intended to go back and add more things I do want later, but the day after I made the anti-list my mom called asking why I did that and complaining that I never like the gifts she gives me.”
The Reddit user claimed to have detailed to her mother exactly what gifts she didn’t want to receive in the past, but she has continuously forgotten. By the time the daughter intended to send her mother an actual Christmas wish list, it was too late. Her mom had seen her “anti-list” and argued that the “anti-list” wasn’t helpful, especially because the Reddit user was picky with presents.
“She said I’m just going to end up with a bunch of candles then complain about that next year. I told her that was just all I could think of in the moment and I’d add more stuff if I thought of it,” the Reddit poster confessed. “She thinks it’s negative to have the anti-list and wants to delete it.”
However, after submitting her “anti-list” to her mother, her brother, his wife, her uncle and her cousin all followed suit. Still, some people in her family weren’t pleased, arguing the “anti-lists” were “negative.”
The Reddit user noted: “My mom seems to be the main person against it, probably because she has bought me at least three of everything on the anti-list except jewelry and feels like I’m embarrassing her.”
When the woman asked if she was the “bad guy” in the situation, many Reddit users in the comments section were split, unsure as to whether her idea was helpful or hurtful.
“I think indicating things you don’t want will be seen as helpful to some and ungrateful to others. You may have been better off using that energy to come up with more practical gift ideas,” one Reddit user commented.
Another person pointed out: “You could have just said you have enough of these things and don’t need anymore. That way, you didn’t make your mother feel bad.”
“NAH but... it sounds like your mom isn’t hearing you talk enough about the fact that you have everything you need,” a third person argued.
Another disagreed: “But honestly, why not just make the list? You basically did here in this very comment. Gift cards, candles, sports tickets.”
“These days I ask people to buy things like malaria treatments or vaccine packs from UNICEF to help kids in 3rd world areas,” one Reddit user noted.
Someone else added in agreement: “Honestly? I adore this idea!!!”
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