Procrastinate now]
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Your support makes all the difference.BAWN O'Beirne-Ranelagh is on the point of founding the Procrastinators' Club of Great Britain. In the very near future. Soonish. She has been on the point of founding it since 1982, the year she joined the Procrastinators' Club of America. She heard about that club in 1972, obtained an application form, and sent it off 10 years later. When, in the fullness of time, her membership certificate arrived, she was so pleased with it she had it framed, though not immediately, you understand.
'This certifies that Bawn O'Beirne-Ranelagh, for recognition of his (sic) persistent and active interest in putting things off, has been officially licensed to procrastinate whenever such late action is desirable - at work, at home and at will. Rights are hereby granted to above-mentioned procrastinator to arrive late, to send out Christmas cards in January, to delay payment of bills, and to display this license conspicuously whenever he gets around to it.'
The club's membership card also includes their logo - an hour-glass with a knot tied in it - and motto: 'We're behind you all the way'. It entitles the bearer 'to enjoy all of the exceptional entitlements of a true procrastinator whatever they might be, at any time in the future but not right now'.
The card also proudly states: 'This will expire later than other membership cards' and is dated '1980- 1990'. Ms O'Beirne-Ranelagh hopes shortly to renew it. 'I'm a bit of a purist,' she maintains. 'I believe people who do get round to paying their subs should be banned.'
The Procrastinators' Club of America dates back to 1956, as its founder and president Les Waas explains: 'Several of us were sitting around in an advertising agency, discussing the word 'procrastinate'. Then we thought, wouldn't it be a neat idea to found a Procrastinators' Club so we could announce a meeting and postpone it.'
So they printed notices announcing the postponement of their first meeting, which attracted so much interest they felt obliged to hold it. Mr Waas was elected president and has remained in the chair ever since. 'The presidential nominating committee for 1957 hasn't reported back yet,' he explained.
While the Procrastinators' Club of America has around 12,000 card-carrying members, Mr Waas claims an additional membership of well over half a million who haven't got around to joining yet. When pressed on that point, he admitted it was a very conservative estimate. 'The true figure is probably more like a hundred million.' He characterises their signed- up - one hesitates to say 'active' - members as 'bright professionals with deadlines to meet'. They have learnt that you can only get things done by postponing everything else.
The club has attendance problems. The secretary responsible for sending out information tends not to get around to it until after the meeting has taken place. They used to hold Christmas parties in June, not recently, 'because we like to put off things that have never been put off before'.
They have been so successful that their only regular activity has been an annual set of predictions for the year published every January. 'We take these so seriously,' said Mr Waas, 'that it takes us a whole year to put them together.' He is currently working on the predictions for 1994 to appear early in 1995. 'Our record speaks for itself. We've never been wrong yet.'
He thoroughly approves of the idea of a British branch of the Procrastinators' Club which he thinks would benefit 'the poor workmanship of you people'. In 1972 the Procrastinators sent a delegation to the Whitechapel Bell Foundry to complain that the Liberty Bell was cracked.
More recently, they organised protests about the war of 1812 - The War of Procrastination - in which the Battle of New Orleans was fought after the armistice was signed. 'We were very successful with the protest,' says Mr Waas. 'The war's over now.'
Pending the formation of a Procrastinators' Club of Britain, ('I'll get around to it', says Ms O'Beirne-Ranelagh, with patient self-assurance) the original Club welcomes members from over here or anywhere else. Application forms may be obtained from: The Procrastinators' Club of America, PO Box 712, Bryn Athyn, Pensylvania 19009, USA (Tel: 0101-215-947-7007). 'If you fill it out properly and get it back promptly,' says Mr Waas, 'you can forget about becoming a member.' Always alert to infiltration attempts by anti-procrastinators, the club sees a prompt application a sure give-away.
The subscription (a one-off payment, because the treasurer neglects to send out reminders) is dollars 21. The bumper sticker, which reads 'Procrastinate Now]' is extra.
This piece was held over from last week. We apologise for any inconvenience caused.
(Photograph omitted)
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