Jaguar XJR: Car Review

Like your car, comrade

I was at the Society of Motor Manufacturers and Traders (SMMT) International Automotive Summit the other day, which was being held at the Institution of Engineering and Technology in London. The Institution occupies a fine building on the Embankment, and at lunch I was out with motor industry types enjoying a magnificent view of the capital’s skyline from the top floor balcony.

We were bemoaning the token concern senior cabinet ministers had shown towards the British car industry – beyond, that is, their secretive sweetheart deal to keep Nissan going in Sunderland after Brexit (if it happens) – when I noticed a motorcade pulling onto the small street outside. I thought I could work out who it was from the mix of cars: silver Jaguar XJ with a relatively modest complement of Range Rovers.

This was too small and not grand enough for a proper royal, but certainly more imposing than most ministers would get. I joked it was Theresa May turning up as a surprise guest, and we rushed downstairs to witness her regal processional. However, a nearby security officer confirmed that though it was indeed the PM, she was going next door to the Savoy for lunch. Who knows who with? The Murdochs, maybe, not best pleased with her on a number of grounds. Maybe a cabal of hard Brexit MPs. Maybe a convention with Prince Philip, Henry Kissinger and the other shape-shifting reptoid aliens who control the world. Nice car, though.

My test XJ could never be mistaken for an official car because it is a sporty XJR model in red and ministers and diplomats don’t go around in a red car which can go that fast. Also it’s a short wheel base, slightly more compact version of the XJ, seldom seen and ideal for the owner-driver rather than for being driven around in it, but there’s room enough for it to serve as a posh taxi if needs be.

I mean, say if wanted to get to Glastonbury or the Labour conference in Brighton in climate-controlled comfort. Ideal too, then, for the Leader of the Opposition and prime-minister-in-waiting Jeremy Corbyn. So when I’ve finished with it, Jaguar should let him borrow it. It bestows a suitably statesmanlike image on all who sail in it, but with a Labour edge, and his advisers – young men I believe who are used to the finer things in life – will feel quite at home here.

There’s a heated steering wheel there, you know, plus a telly and web access via the dash console. You can set the car to “sport” mode which makes it even more accelerative – as responsive to your wishes as a Momentum rally. Yes, this may be a near £100,000 motor, but it’s a British £100,000 motor built in the Midlands, and how many of our “patriotic” newspaper editors can say that about their wheels?

The spec

Price: £91,755 (£96,790 as tested)
Engine capacity:5-litre petrol V8 supercharged; 8-speed auto
Power output (PS): 550
Top speed (mph): 174
0-62 mph (seconds): 4.4
Fuel economy (mpg): 25.5
CO2 emissions (g/km): 264

Anyhow, Corbyn and his team will be able to make their dash for power much more quickly with 5 litres of supercharged petrol v8 at their disposal. I dare say it is slower than a train for many journeys, though with police outriders slicing through traffic and disregarding speed limits maybe the advantage of public transport would not be so big, leaving only ideological issues, easily finessed.

Plus you get a nice seat in the Jag (perforated and ventilated leather that can heat or cool the socialist fundament at the flick of a switch) – so no more sitting on the floor of a train outside the khazi. The back of the Jaguar is just the place to plot some important rule changes and plan the Alternative Economic Strategy Britain needs. You can’t do that while you’re being thrown around on one of Richard Branson’s contraptions, breathing in the foul stench of a blocked pan. The workers deserve the best, and the workers’ champion needs somewhere private and restful and secure to work.

The point of the XJR is that it combines all of the comfort of the limo versions, but with near supercar performance. For most purposes it is well able to perform in line with its more common German rival, the Mercedes-AMG S63, as well as the less hardcore BMW 7-series, Maserati Quattroporte, Lexus and Infiniti alternatives. It has many other things going for it. First it’s British and, as the folk at the SMMT summit pointed out, the industry needs all the support it can get.

The Jaguar XJ generally seems to be unfairly overlooked, maybe on the basis of silly things like depreciation rates and past refutations. Second, it is fantastic to look at. Ian Callum’s dramatic new school styling still looks awesome after almost a decade of familiarity – no more fuddy-duddy Jags from him. Probably least important for its clientele, even though it costs as much as a flat, it is much cheaper and better value than the competition, and that includes its own in-house rival the Range Rover.

It might even be the last “proper” (or leastways conventional) big Jag as the rumours are the next one will be electric, with the current shape and its range of internal combustion engines soldiering on until the electric wave is strong enough to support XJ sales for the future.

I suppose electric propulsion is well suited to exec models because they are, after all, silent. Maybe that greener Jaguar will suit Jeremy Corbyn better. He’d miss the V8’s burble and the roar it makes when it goes forth to rule the road. That’s what I mean by momentum.