Audi Q8: It’s not pretty, but that’s the point

If the grille were any bigger there’d be no room for headlights, says Sean O’Grady

The Audi Q8 has challenging looks (Pictures by Audi)

No oil painting is it?

Even its own automotive mothers, the stylists down there at Audi HQ in Ingolstadt, would have to admit that their big bouncing baby, the Audi Q8, has challenging looks. This isn’t quite is the biggest, loudest, in-your-face grille ever slapped on a prestige SUV, but it’s certainly one of the most visually disturbing. It’s no Porsche Cayenne, but it really is not quite right.

Hence my desire to drive it, just to gauge what sort of reaction it might get from other road users and passers-by. I only got one really dirty look, from some mum in leggings, and that may be because I’d parked on the zig zags outside a primary school. Before she’d got the chance to. Honestly, you’d never think a member of the English middle classes could be so unsporting.

The Q8 is a car that you buy (or more likely lease on a monthly plan – £63,000 is a lot to find in one go if you’re not a Brexiteer Tory MP) because you love its looks, rather than in spite of them. In other words there are plenty of prettier alternatives out there, and capable with it, and so the only rational reason anyone would drive a Q8 is because they actually want to be seen in one. Think of that.

The Audi Q8 features four-wheel steering and other tech (Audi)

To be fair, the Audi is following a trend. All of the prestige German brands are undergoing identity inflation, and Jaguars and Range Rovers are also sporting more bluff front ends, these days. But in trying to outdo its posh rivals the Audi is probably pushing at the limits of physics as well as good taste. If the grille were any bigger there’d be no room for the headlights.

I exaggerate, if only a little. Finished on my example with a matt grey surround, it isn’t quite as loud as it might be, and the subdued “galaxy blue” paintjob also helps restrain the visual impact: from most angles it’s actually quite pleasing.

Thus, the Q8 somehow avoids the usual luxury SUV trap of resembling a mansion block on wheels. The swages in the flanks, the lower roofline, rounded contours and the fussy rear end all break up otherwise slabby panels. In fact the Q8 is marginally more compact than its more conventional Q7 sibling, on which it is based (and in which you will find seven seats rather than the Q8’s five).

It has an awful lot of tech loaded, including four-wheel steering, which makes the car more responsive at high speeds and gives it mercifully smaller turning circle in town. There’s also a mild hybrid system loaded, which helps with fuel economy and low-speed acceleration. Indoors, as an aspirational luxury tourer, they’ve endowed the Q8 with the latest Audi dash, as modelled in the lovely fastback A7. This is a very classy and entertaining affair. There are two big touchscreens on the centre console, plus an optional extra screen for the satnav display in the main binnacle ahead of the driver, with the speedometer and rev counter relegated to small discs. Above them is a heads-up display showing speed limits and your speed, among other options, as if projected into the middle distance. All the driver assistance is there, and my advice is always to choose the “max” option for this, just to make sure you don’t bump into things. All in all, and fitted with the auto transmission, you need to little more than steer the monster, with minimal inputs.

While the exterior of the Audi Q8 is challenging, its interior is a classy and entertaining affair (Audi)

The interior finishes are a mix of quilted grey leather for the heated seats, plus slabs of piano black veneer and satinised chrome highlights. Some will even light up depending on the car’s mood – when you select the “dynamic” driving style they will turn a racy red, for example.

The touchscreens require a firm push to make things happen, a little more like a conventional button than your smartphone. This takes some getting used to. Fortunately, most of the controls are accessible via buttons and stalks on and around the steering wheel. There’s even a scribble pad for the inputting an address on the satnav, but it’s not recommended for use on the move. Clever, though. Only the sporty/economy/comfort driving modes buttons are a bit out of the way, over on the lower left of the screens.

The spec

Audi Q8 50 TDI quattro

Price: £63,115 (£85,565 as tested)
Engine capacity: 31 diesel V6-cyl, 8-sp auto
Power output (PS @ rpm): 286@3,500-4,000
Top speed (mph): 152
0-60mph (seconds): 6.3
Fuel economy (mpg): 32.1
CO2 emissions (g/km): 178

Even the mighty five litre diesel version I tried will return surprisingly good fuel economy, of about 33 mpg, which means a surprisingly modest carbon footprint, considering it’s knocking on two and a half tons filled up with fuel. It has an impressive cross-continental range: you can drive from London to Berlin in one go. (With, soon, a suitable post Brexit driving permit, of course.) Some petrol and even sportier versions of the Q8 will follow, all no doubt taking some inspiration from in-house VW group siblings the Lamborghini Ursus and Bentley Bentayga.

I only had a few complaints with my new lummock of a car, most predictable, one shocking. The worst was when the air conditioning and the parking cameras refused to display, with message telling me to turn the ignition. Obviously I tried the well-known remedy of turning the ignition on and off again, but to no avail. The next morning it was fine, but when you have to park a Q8 without bleepers and cameras you get frayed nerves. Maybe it was a glitch, but at £85,000 for my example, loaded with extras, it didn’t inspire confidence. It did occur to me that in about a decade or so you might be able to pick up a cheap Q8 where you’d have to put up with having no heater simply because the screen was uneconomic to repair. Like owning a stately home where you can’t turn on the central heating.

Otherwise there are just quibbles. The boot is a bit mean, given the Q8’s vast external proportions. You can move the wide rear seats forward to add space, as well as fold them of course. The automatic, dual clutch gearbox does sometimes hesitate a bit when you put your foot down, something I’ve encountered a few times on these setups. More obviously, it is just very big, and despite all the bleeps and cameras and a safety system that will brake before you can demolish the cars either side, it makes you think about driving it anywhere other than the wide open road or an out-of-town car park.

As a cross between a coupe and an SUV the Q8 has a few rivals – the Range Rover Velar, the BMW X6 and Lexus RX – but none of these will make children and their mothers stop, point and scowl. Looks aren’t everything, you know.