Why this mother wants you to stop asking couples when they’re going to have kids

'You never know what's going on'

The now mother-of-two speaks candidly of her experience with IVF

A Facebook post urging people not to plague couples with questions about when they are going to have children has gone viral.

Adele Barbaro, the woman behind popular blog Real Mumma, called on people to stop probing couples about their fertility as part of polite conversations, warning that comments from friends, family or strangers can be upsetting when the couple’s circumstances are unknown.

The post has since been shared more than 20,000 times, with scores of people agreeing with what she said.

Alongside an image of herself holding a piece of paper that read, “Stop asking couples when they are having kids!” Barbaro wrote, “We are just enjoying being newly married. We have some travelling we want to do first. I'm just focusing on my career right now.

“These are just a few of the reasons I used (with a forced smile) to mask what was really going on.”

For Barbaro, the post was inspired by couples that are tired of fielding questions about their lack of children especially for those struggling with infertility, just like her.

She goes on to describe how sometimes she didn’t quite feel like being polite when asked about her reproductive plans, adding “I wasn't always that pleasant. One day I responded with 'it's not that f***ing easy, you know.'

“I had just got my period that morning ... again."

The mother-of-two goes on to explain how she didn’t need to be reminded by others that her maternal clock was ticking as she battled with the disappointment of not being able to fall pregnant.

“Believe me, I knew it. I just didn't need to hear it from everyone else.

“Trying to conceive isn't easy…The odds of conception and retaining a pregnancy are actually pretty s***, topped off with the huge amount of people that are reproductively challenged with polycystic ovaries, endometriosis etc etc. And I was one of them....”

Barbaro speaks candidly of her experience with IVF and how it caused her to become “quite bitter, desperate and depressed” but goes on to explain how she and her husband were “one of lucky ones”, sharing that they were fortunate to get pregnant after about a year.

Whether a couple has no desire for children, can’t take on the financial responsibility or are struggling with fertility, Barbaro’s bold words serve as a reminder that, while those asking the questions might mean well, a couple’s decision to have kids isn’t really anyone else’s business.

”So, next time you go to say that 'throwaway' comment to the newlyweds or the couple that have been together for ten years, be sensitive,“ she concludes.

”Don't ask them when they are having kids. You never know what's going on.“