Michaela Coel says thinking about experiences of racism growing up in UK ‘brings her to tears’

‘I think if you can stand there and say that you don’t think racism exists, you are a very traumatised person,’ ‘I May Destroy You’ creator says

Michaela Coel at the 'Been So Long' premiere at the BFI London Film Festival, 12 October 2018 (Wiktor Szymanowicz/REX)

Michaela Coel has recalled the racial abuse she has experienced throughout her life, saying that some people are “blind” to racism.

During a recent interview with GQ magazine, Coel was questioned about whether she suffered racism growing up in the UK.

The creator of BBC’s I May Destroy You, who grew up in East London, said that just thinking about the instances of racism she has gone through makes her tearful.

“I have so many that it brings me to tears to think about, so I don’t want to share them, because they’re painful,” she said.

“I also realise that while being very aware of the direct, aggressive forms of racial abuse, racial violence and even police questioning that I’ve had in my life with no criminal record – I’ve had great encounters with the police and bad encounters – when I think about the racial abuse that I experienced over the course of my life, I’m also understanding that everybody is deeply traumatised.”

The 32-year-old expressed her view that if a person says that they don’t believe racism exists, “you are a very traumatised person and your trauma has made you blind to what is going on right in front of you”.

“They don’t see that they’re blind,” she added. “That’s what we’re dealing with right now, which is much more concerning than dealing with someone who is maybe pretending to not be racist or has this intentional hatred.”

Coel gave an anecdote about a cyclist she recently spotted while jogging, who had a Black Lives Matter sign attached to her back.

The cyclist, a young white woman, was “scoffed” at by other people, Coel said, who promptly “sped up to catch up with her” and tell her “I appreciate you, sis!”

During the interview, the Chewing Gum star also spoke about the way in which events in her own life influenced I May Destroy You, which depicts themes such as sexual assault.

Coel spoke about her sexual assault in 2018, outlining that she realised what had happened after experiencing a flashback, which also occurs to her character Arabella in the television programme.

When asked by GQ what her “healing process” was after the attack, Coel stated that her recovery is ongoing.

“It’s never really paused,” she stated. “This is a line from the Hugo Blick show [Black Earth Rising]. The past isn’t ever really past. You have to learn to manage it. And it stays with you. You have to learn to have power over the thing instead of it having power of you.

“Now, I try to keep things in my life like meditation. I started getting into yoga quite a lot, so that was really helpful,” Coel said. “Spending time with friends and writing the show was really helpful.”

However, Coel acknowledged that she wishes he had taken a “break”.

“This is the thing that I think would have accelerated a lot of the process in terms of how you deal with trauma. I think if you don’t have a second to stop and analyse where you might feel and how you’re doing, then it can be problematic,” the actor stated.

“I didn’t really get that chance, which meant by the time I came to writing it, there were a lot of things I had to unpick about the loss of four years of my life.”

If you have experienced sexual assault, you can contact the National Helpline, which is run by Rape Crisis South London, by calling 0808 802 9999. The helpline is open every day from 12pm to 2.30pm and from 7pm to 9.30pm.