Maya Jama and Stormzy split again – experts on why second break ups hurt more
‘We tried and it didn’t work and that’s ok’
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Your support makes all the difference.Getting over a break up can be hard and painful, but it can be even more difficult when it is the second time around.
Love Islander presenter Maya Jama and British rapper Stormzy – real name Michael Omari – have shocked their Instagram followers with the announcement of their second split.
The star couple fell in love in 2014, broke up in 2019 and when they got back together in August last year many fans thought wedding bells could be in the not to distant future.
However, despite pictures of the couple looking very cosy at Glastonbury Festival in June, it was not meant to be and they issued a joint statement confirming their split.
“We’ve been laughing whilst drafting this because we never, ever in a million years thought we’d be the couple announcing a break-up,” they posted on Instagram. “But for the sake of clarity and more importantly to allow us the space and grace that’s needed for us both to be able to navigate this next bit of our lives with peace, we thought it might be best to.
“We were 21 and 20 when we first met, both at the beginning of our careers, and spent five years growing together and then five years growing separately, so this final attempt required a whole lot of figuring out, relearning and unlearning.
“We tried and it didn’t work and that’s okay.”
They aren’t the first couple to give a relationship another go, so what’s the best way to navigate a second-time break up?
What the experts say
“People often break up and then get back together because they still love and miss each other, they hope things can get better and improve this time around,” explains Hope Flynn, founder of female empowerment platform Feed Me Female.
“Sometimes it’s simply because they find it easier to return to a familiar relationship as fear of the dating world can be scary and also push them to reconsider trying make it work again.”
Are second break ups more difficult?“Second breakups can be tough because you put a lot of hope into trying again, hoping things would be better, so when it doesn’t work out,” says Flynn. “It feels like going through the breakup all over again, which hurts even more.
“You might wonder if you made a mistake giving it another shot and your friends and family might not be as supportive this time around.
“Dealing with the same old issues again is really frustrating. When you reconnect with someone, your feelings deepen, so when it ends again it’s really painful. It’s a lot to handle, but take each day as it comes and you’ll get through it.”
Should you stay friends?
“I would always encourage people to try and remain friends if they can however it depends on what happened in the relationship and how things ended,” says Flynn. “It really boils down to how well you two can chat without any leftover romantic vibes or hurt feelings hanging around.
“It’s crucial to make sure you’re both emotionally cool with shifting from romance to friendship mode. Setting some clear boundaries like how often you’ll text or hang out is key to keeping things clear in your friendship.”
How can you move on in a healthy way?
Fiona Yassin, psychotherapist, and founder and clinical director of The Wave Clinic, suggests avoiding their social media channels.
“Limit social media use to avoid being bombarded with what friends, peers and celebrities are doing. Instead, reach out to the people you enjoy spending time with and organise to do something with them in-person.”
A new hobby might take your mind off things, particularly if it involves being mindful. “Many people find repetitive activities such as cross stitch or crochet to be calming, whilst others find being in motion by sitting on a swing or rocking can help bring them into the present moment. Journalling or watching a good movie can also be effective grounding techniques.”
As tempting as it may feel, don’t air your dirty laundry online, she urges. “Avoid oversharing about a break up on social media as it can provoke an influx of negative and unwelcome reactions.”
But most importantly, prioritise the relationship you have with yourself right now.
“People that rebound tend to be those who are already struggling around interpersonal relations and relationships so build a relationship with yourself before having a relationship with someone else.”