Meet the sexual wellness brand changing how India talks about self-pleasure, one clitoral massager at a time
That Sassy Thing is revolutionalising the way India thinks and talks about sex, placing an emphasis on education, emotional honesty and clearing up sexual misconceptions. Maanya Sachdeva meets them
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Your support makes all the difference.Whenever Sachee Malhotra has dinner with her family, conversation frequently turns to sex toys. “Every Indian kid’s dream, right?” she laughs, with the same kind of unabashed openness that’s helped her steer her sexual wellness brand – That Sassy Thing – away from the stigmas that still shadow sexuality in the country.
“I think overall I’ve been privileged to have supportive parents, because I know how difficult it can be for desi parents to break their barriers,” the 31-year-old tells me. Malhotra founded her brand in January 2021 and her family now feel comfortable enough about it to weigh in on That Sassy Thing’s packaging, communications and product development. And that includes its genital and clitoral massagers.
Malhotra completely rejects any and all shame when it comes to sexual pleasure and it’s this that distinguishes her fun, sex-positive brand from others in the category. This was a conscious choice for her after she realised how “cis-men centric” the Indian sexual pleasure industry was – both in terms of the products sent to market and the way they’re sold.
Tej was once a That Sassy Thing customer and now manages the brand’s communications. They recall how “weird and cringe” it once was to buy sex toys online. “Stores were pitching sex toys as these debauched, lascivious products,” they say. “I remember one of the platforms even had a separate LGBTQIA section, which was the weirdest thing for me as someone from the community.”
Even today, most Indian adult shopping websites seem to perpetuate harmful myths and stereotypes about sex, while being optimised to recreate sexiness as it’s portrayed in mainstream porn: performative, extreme and largely heteronormative. Adult sex costumes – such as the “sexy schoolgirl” or a rather tedious-looking “maid body stocking” – are heavily pushed, alongside all-black sex toys, which can be intimidating for anyone still discovering their own bodies or desires.
Consequently, Malhotra believes, self-pleasure and sexual discovery have remained cloaked in embarrassment and guilt for large parts of India’s population. Intercourse is almost entirely seen as a means of procreation, never an ending in and of itself. Indulging in pre-marital sex is generally deemed acceptable for men, while sexually active, single Indian women often face harassment, judgement or some repressive combination of both.
“Let’s zoom out a little bit so I can try to paint what the pleasure picture looks like for women in our country,” Malhotra tells me. “Think about what society expects from women: sacrifice in all aspects of their lives. Period.” Amid a culture of silence around menstruation and reproduction, there’s also a notion that a wife’s pleasure is less important than “keeping your husband happy”, she says. Likewise, there’s a belief that older people are bereft of sexual desire. “[So] there is no compass for what pleasure means to us. We’re always taught to compromise and put others’ needs before our own. What’s so threatening about the idea of us indulging in our own pleasure and loving it?”
Malhotra previously worked with both American and Indian sexual wellness companies and says that typical brands “were reinforcing patriarchal notions of the ‘macho man’ and hypersexualising women”. Most products were ultimately aimed at pleasing men only, she says, while feeding women’s insecurities about their genitalia – how they’re apparently meant to look or smell. “As I questioned these skewed narratives and representations, I became super interested in the space from both a product and cultural standpoint,” she says.
That Sassy Thing’s origin story, though, can be traced even further back. As a child, Malhotra was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), which causes delayed periods and excessive hair growth. It had a huge impact on her mental health, she admits. “I carried the baggage of my hair [being] everywhere,” she remembers. “In school, that meant being called ‘dadhiyal’ [‘person with a beard’] both by girls and boys.”
One of the other side effects of PCOS, she continues, is vaginal dryness. That often leads to painful sex. “I went to look for products that were safe and good for my body, but I couldn’t find any in the market back then.” So she decided to make them herself.
Consequently, That Sassy Thing’s earliest products were not sex toys at all. Instead, Malhotra began with pubic hair oil, a pain relief roll-on and what would quickly become the brand’s signature lube. Today, the “DTF” lube (or “Down to F***”) is still one of the brand’s most popular products.
Tej, in particular, is a fan. “What really made the difference for me was the lube,” they say. “It completely changed my perspective and I even gifted it to a lot of my friends.” The lube helped combat misconceptions about sex, they add, particularly the idea that “you’re not healthy” if your genitalia struggles to naturally lubricate. “Why do we have to sacrifice our pleasure because of this moralistic view of our health?”
We’re still raising a generation of young people unaware about their bodies, and shy or afraid to talk about things
The simple act of owning That Sassy Thing’s lube also “unlocked” a new world of sexual pleasure for Anuja. She and Tej now work with Malhotra at That Sassy Thing, united by a common goal to help create a safe space for people to talk about sex. “I’ve tried for so long to find answers and resolve the [sexual] traumas I’ve endured and the struggles I’ve had,” Anuja says. “Just so that I can put it into words and pay it forward; to help others who are also struggling with the same doubts, insecurities and questions.”
That Sassy Thing is not just about its massagers, Tej says, but rather its identity is inextricably tied to a new narrative around pleasure and wellness for those left out of the discussion so far. Malhotra’s start-up currently reaches more than 21,000 people, and it was pure word-of-mouth that led me to it. At brunch, while bemoaning our mutual single status, a friend told me that she’d just bought one of its sex toys. Before the last bellini was over, I’d ordered one myself. Soon I’d be the proud owner of India’s very first clitoral stimulator.
Malhotra says that 80 per cent of people with vulvas are unable to orgasm through penetration alone, and it’s for this reason that manual stimulators need to exist. “A patriarchal narrative and societal conditioning have led women to associate their pleasure solely with their partners’,” she says. “They haven’t even considered the idea that they could be responsible for their own pleasure.”
Being a brand that advocates shameless sex positivity for all hasn’t always been easy, Malhotra admits. “Surmounting the shame and judgement – including internalised feelings about our bodies – is the biggest challenge we face,” she tells me. “For example, as young menstruators, we’re raised to hide our sanitary pads or period products in black garbage bags. Or use euphemisms for our periods such as ‘chums’. There’s hardly any comprehensive period and sex education in Indian schools, either. [We’re] still raising a generation of young people unaware about their bodies, and shy or afraid to talk about things.”
It’s partly why the brand has moved into video, too, offering expert-led resources to educate viewers on combatting harmful stereotypes and myths about gender, allyship, intercourse and self-pleasure. They’ve been enormously successful so far, along with the other products. Malhotra admits that she initially didn’t know if her brand would take off, or if people would be willing to speak openly about their sexualities with others. That hasn’t been the case. She notes that customers have bought products for their friends and family members, and eagerly spread the word among their circles – like both Tej and Anuja.
One screenshot of a private message thanking Malhotra for the clitoral massager references the “toe-curling Os” she’s been having ever since buying one. Ultimately, Malhotra hopes her brand will help unleash a new wave of sexual honesty and care across India.
“I think it’s been our responsibility to lead these conversations,” she says, “but then pass the baton, inspiring others to speak up, too.”